If you want to keep your girlfriend interested in you, this article will show you what mistakes to avoid and what you need to do to maintain attraction.
Keep Your Girlfriend Interested
- Don’t chase her over text
- Let her come to you
- Mirror her emotions
- Don’t double-text
- Don’t panic if she pulls away
- Don’t talk about the relationship
- Maintain mystery and challenge
Let’s take a look at an email from a reader who wants to know how to keep his girlfriend interested in him. My response can be seen below in bold.
Note: all names and personal information have been changed for privacy.
Hi Chris, I knew this girl, not as a friend or anything but knew who she was through mutual friends. We hooked up at a bar, so it was just a one night stand. We started to message each other – nothing serious, just now and again. We hooked up again just after Christmas and spent New Years Eve together.
If you have a one night stand with a girl, then reconnect again it means there was a spark of attraction between the two of you. This is what brings you together again. However, there is always a difference between getting a girl, and keeping a girl interested over the long-run.
We saw each other every weekend and she was very responsive! She asked if I was messaging other people etc.
Her attraction for you at this point is high and this is the reason why she’s asking if you’re seeing other girls.
A couple of weeks later I got the feeling she was acting differently. Even though this time I considered her my girlfriend (even though nothing was official). We caught up once or twice after I returned home (went to lunch once and she stayed over) but the messages were short & cold. Only responding once a day from what would previously be more frequent.
When you notice that a girl starts to go cold or lose interest in you, it’s important to mirror her emotions. At the same time, you need to ask the question: why is she pulling away from you?
If want to keep your girlfriend interested, you have to be able to adjust your behavior and control yourself around her. There will be a reason why she pulled away from you. Maybe she felt that you were too needy or too responsive or too relationship focused. If you look at your behavior closely, you will know the reason why she is growing distant with you.
I noticed the change and took your advice of ‘she pulls away, so do I’ She was ‘busy’ & honestly the messaging was going no where (it was dead conversation) So I responded to the previous message followed by well hey when your not busy and keen to catch up, let me know & I will arrange for us to do something. She responded yes ok sure 🙂
Perfect. As you can see, if you keep messaging a girl it does go nowhere. It’s “dead air.” The girl will get bored and lose interest in you. You will fail to be a mystery and a challenge and she will start to focus on other things that spark her interest instead of focusing on you.
Not going to lie – I did break that cone of silence after one week. Her responses were like before fairly short & cold. Anyway, I asked her what her plans were for the weekend and I wanted to take her out for her birthday (just a dinner). She responded with a maybe as she had work. I suggested a time and place – never got a response.
She’s not making you a priority here. If a girl has high attraction for you, she will make you a priority and find time to see you. But, in this case, she has low levels of attraction and doesn’t feel an urgent need to see you. This is most likely due to the fact that she knows you are going to be there for her and she doesn’t have to work hard to get your attention.
Anyway, I didn’t text her until a few weeks later (I probably initiated, can’t remember though). She seemed more ‘normal’ again. I mentioned again let me know when you are free & we will catch up! She responded yes sorry for my late replies I have bees super busy & yes, sounds good!
This is subtle but if you’re the one that keeps reaching out to a girl, she can sense that you want her more than she wants you. It doesn’t take much for her to notice this. A couple of times reaching out and she will feel as though she is the one with higher value in the relationship.
Not only this, she will feel as though you are chasing her, then she will get turned off by your behavior. This is why it’s so easy to meet a girl and initiate the romance, but it’s so difficult to keep a girl interested and attracted to you.
I’m really confused. One part of me says: she was giving you all the signals to ask her to be your girlfriend officially. The other part looks back at her messages when I told her to ‘Let me know when your free’ and this scared her away. What do you think?
No, it didn’t scare her off. You gave her an opportunity to meet up and she didn’t take the chance to see you. The reason she didn’t bite is because you were chasing her and you were too responsive. They have done studies into attraction and responsiveness and they found that men who are too responsive (meaning men who message too much and initiate messages too frequently) are viewed as less attractive by women.
like i was blowing her off. Perhaps she was acting a little different because she was scared about the relationship or maybe she was just busy & stressed – who knows. She then got the impression I was blowing her off – which was not the case!
I don’t think she ever got that impression that you were blowing her off. You initiated with her frequently and gave your girlfriend many opportunities to meet up and see her. The reason she didn’t respond is because her interest level was low and her attraction had dipped.
Should I have asked her to be my girlfriend? I felt like it was a bad idea, even though I considered us to be in a relationship. Thoughts?
Yes, you’re correct about this. It was way too soon to ask her to be your girlfriend. In fact, you should never ask a girl to be your girlfriend (unless you’re in kindergarten). It will just happen naturally. She will take care of the girlfriend issue for you and start asking you for more commitment and time. Let her take care of the relationship and attach a label to your relationship if she wants too. It’s your role as a man to just have fun and push for intimacy.
As you can probably tell, I’m confused and not sure how to go about it. Somehow I think I know your answer… Let her come back to me… It just seems weird she used to be so into me…
Keeping A Girl Interested
Keeping a girl interested is tough, especially in the modern world where phone/online/messaging is such a big deal. To be honest, most relationships are broken when people are away from each other.
Most men have a great time with their girlfriends face-to-face. It’s those moments when they’re away from their girlfriends that everything starts to fall apart.
This is a modern problem for the modern world (thank you technology and social media).
There are a couple of reasons why men struggle so much to keep their girlfriends interested. Most of these reasons come down to anxiety around the relationship.
Everything is going great between the two of you, then, all of a sudden you spend a couple of days away from each other and the girl doesn’t message you anymore.
This happens all the time in every culture and every region in the world. The phone is now used by women as a way to test men for weakness and strength.
This is an important concept to understand. Consider that every girl over the age of sixteen has had numerous men chasing her and trying to get close to her.
Also, take into consideration that 95% of men have no idea what they’re doing and are either weird, strange, stalkerish, needy, responsive, or desperate and you now have a strong incentive for women to test men and filter them out.
One easy way for a woman to test a man (and filter out the good from the bad) is to pull away on the phone and not message a man.
During this pull away, the woman watches how the man responds and behaves in this situation.
Does the man panic and get full of anxiety? Or does the man focus on other more important things in life like his business and hobbies?
If you panic and reach out to your girlfriend out of anxiety, you will kill attraction and turn her off.
Now some women will give you more margin for error than others. In other words, some women are forgiving and some women aren’t so forgiving—it depends on her baseline rate of attraction for you.
With some women, if you make small, subtle mistakes (even just initiating texts two or three times when she pulls away) she will punish you by pulling away from you.
This is where keeping your girlfriend interested becomes both an art and a skill. She is already attracted to you physically on the surface, but she must also be attracted to your behavior.
Attractive Behavior Traits
- Make sure she reaches out to you over text
- Don’t talk about the relationship
- Don’t try to lock her into commitment
- Don’t double text or chase her over the phone
- Set the date and push for intimacy
- Keep the relationship light and fun
- If she pulls away, you must also pull away
Remember, attraction grows in space, it doesn’t grow in close proximity. If she thinks that you’re more focused on the relationship than she is, then your girlfriend will pull away from you.
People only value that which they have to work for. If she feels as though you aren’t a challenge or a mystery, then you won’t be able to keep this girl interested in you.
If you are the one reaching out to her more than she reaches out to you, she will lose attraction for you.
Maintain Attraction and Interest
The only way to ensure that you keep your girlfriend interested in you is to make her reach out to you and then set the date and push for intimacy.
Anything else is just a waste of time and will turn your girlfriend’s attraction switch OFF.
Attraction grows in uncertainty, space and tension. Unlike love which is a comfortable, warm, safe feeling—attraction is the opposite.
When a girl starts to lose interest in you like this girl has, the only way you can recapture her interest is by bringing space back into the relationship.
You have to re-establish your value and reset the relationship dynamic. Where once she though you were chasing her and relationship focused, you must show her that you can live your life without her.
As a man, you must focus on creation (building businesses, building a career, developing skills, developing your body, improving yourself and raising your value).
There is no need to send your girlfriend a message and tell her this. You can’t talk a girl into attraction and you can’t talk her into appreciating your value.
Instead you must demonstrate value through your actions. You must walk away and maintain no contact on this girl.
A lot of men think that if they walk away, then their girlfriend will forget about them and move on. In reality, no contact is the only way you can recapture a girl’s interest after she pulls away from you.
Going no contact sends several important signals to a girl: ou demonstrate strength and the ability to focus on other things
- You show this girl that you aren’t relationship focused and you’re not going to chase her.
- You restore value through scarcity.
- You bring space back into the relationship and give her the chance to miss you and think about you again.
Never Chase A Woman
What’s the alternative? The alternative is that you chase your girlfriend (again) and initiate messages (again) thus lowering your value and giving your girlfriend way too much value.
I never advocate chasing a woman because this is a huge sign of weakness and desperation. No woman is worth chasing because if you chase you kill attraction and your girlfriend will lose respect for you.
You must show a girl that you’re willing to lose her and walk away forever if you want to keep your girlfriend interested in you.
It is only then, in this moment, that a girl will truly come to respect you and appreciate you.
Even if your girlfriend doesn’t come back to you, she will still respect you and appreciate your mental strength more than if you continued to chase her down with messages.
Allow her to feel your confidence and show her that you are focused on more important things in you life.
Cultivate an abundance mindset and she, in turn, will sense your value. Again, it’s subtle but your behavior is far more important than your words here.
If you give your girlfriend the chance to reframe her perception of you in her mind by maintaining no contact until she reaches out, then you give yourself the best chance at getting her back and keeping your girlfriend interested in you.
In my experience, having dealt with hundreds of men in this exact situation, I can tell you if you chase, you lose; if you walk, however, there is a high probability that the girl will get in touch with you again.
She won’t reach out as soon as you’d like her to (but you won’t be forgotten either). Expect her to reach out in a month or two.
For more information on this, check out my article How Long Do Women Pull Away For?
When your girlfriend reaches out to you, it’s important not to ignore her or be passive aggressive.
Assume she misses you and set a date to meet up. There is no other way. Stand strong and let her feel your value by walking away until your girlfriend comes back to you.
This is the only way to keep your girlfriend interested in you.