How to Ask a Girl Out and Get a "YES!" – 7 Easy Steps

How to Ask a Girl Out and Get a “YES!” – 7 Easy Steps

If you want to know how to ask a girl out and have her say “yes,” this article will show you the best way to get her number and get the date.

7 Steps To Ask A Girl Out

  1. Read her body language (signs of interest)
  2. Remember, it’s your job to ask her out
  3. Turn her attraction switch ON
  4. It’s okay to feel nervous
  5. Establish trust and comfort
  6. Adjust to the situation (face-to-face, text, online)
  7. Be confident and direct

First of all, well done for having the desire to ask a girl out. This is what separates the men from the boys.

I see far too many men date women they don’t want to be with. This is what happens when you let a girl choose you, or you fall into a relationship with a woman out of convenience—you become unhappy with your choice.

If you want a happy relationship that is full of passion and sustains itself over the long-run, you need to choose a girl and ask her out.

So why is it so difficult to ask a girl out? Why does it feel so uncomfortable and why are we, as men, so hesitant to speak to a girl and ask her out on a date?

There is one simple answer—rejection.

We are terrified of rejection. We worry what a girl will think of us when we ask her out. It’s that feeling of powerlessness and uncertainty.

You’re asking a girl for permission to like you, and you’re giving her the power to either reject you or accept you. 

It feels like this, but this isn’t actually what’s happening. When you ask a girl out, you’re giving her an opportunity to get to know you better. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now, here’s the first question you must ask yourself…

Does She Want You to Ask Her Out?

Before you ask a girl out, it’s important to consider this question: does she want you to ask her out?

I’ve written about this in another in-depth article titled How to Tell if a Girl Likes You, but this is an issue that’s worth discussing here again.

If you can tell if a girl likes you, you will significantly increase your chance at success when it comes to asking her out.

Signs She’s Attracted to You

In summary, this is how you can tell if a girl likes you:

  • She makes eye contact with you
  • She smiles at you, inviting you to talk to her
  • She talks to you and seeks out your company
  • She touches you to let you know she likes you
  • She preens herself to advertise her interest

The following is a list of preening cues that women frequently use to signal availability and interest:

  • She blushes when talking
  • She touches her neck and throat
  • She frequently giggles and laughs
  • Her breathing becomes deep and heavy
  • She licks her lips, drawing attention to them
  • She lets out a soft whimper or nervous laughter
  • She points her body towards you, especially her knees and her feet
  • She reveals the underside of her wrist in a gesture of submission
  • She plays with her hair and strokes it (one of the most common indicators of interest)
  • She drops her gaze and looks at the ground in a gesture of submission

If you spot any of these cues on a woman you find attractive, then you must ask her out otherwise you are letting a prime opportunity pass you by.

It’s Your Job to Ask Her Out

If you wait to find out if a girl likes you or not, you’re going to be limiting your options with women because there are lots of single, available women out there in the world waiting for men to ask them out.

Women live their lives in a waiting state. They wait for men to approach them. They wait for men to ask them out. They wait for the man to set the date.

It is the man’s job in the relationship to chase the woman (in the beginning), set the date, and push for intimacy.

The woman’s job is to focus on the relationship and control the speed at which the relationship progresses. Women are the gatekeepers to intimacy and relationships after all.

The only time a woman has a chance to say yes or no is when deciding to become intimate with you, and when she decides whether or not to enter into a relationship with you.

If a woman doesn’t know you and you want to ask her out, you must flick the ON switch in her mind.

Consider this: if you’re a woman and a man asks you out, how do you respond? You respond based on your feelings and emotions in the present.

A girl has to be attracted to you and have the motivation to want to see you when you ask her out.

So how do you get a girl attracted to you in the first place? A good place to start is to read my book Atomic Attraction which covers all of this in great detail.

The second thing you must do is turn the attraction switch ON in her mind. In other words, you must get her to feel something for you.

Turn Her Attraction Switch ON

Asking a Girl Out Turns Her Attraction Switch On

If you interact with a girl in a plain, boring way, you will do nothing to inspire interest or intrigue. You will be about as appealing as Walter Mitty serving (milque)toast.

To inspire interest, you must light the spark of attraction between yourself and a woman. How do you do this? You flirt.

Flirting is easy. It’s simply interacting with a girl in a fun, lighthearted, humorous way.

Most important of all, flirting is about having the confidence to tell a girl that you find her attractive (in subtle and not-so-subtle ways).

After all, like attracts like. This is the power fo the likability effect.

Did you know that people are much more likely to find other people attractive if they know the “other person” also likes them?

How to Flirt With a Girl

Here are some easy lines you can use to flirt with a girl before you ask her out:

  • I saw you and just had to come and talk to you
  • Your hair is so thick/shiny/vibrant
  • You eyes are pretty striking
  • I like your (whatever it is you like about her)

There is no need to go into great detail here. You want to keep the elements of mystery and suspense intact. 

Keep in mind that one or two flirtatious comments are enough to turn the attraction switch ON in a woman’s mind.

I’ve even seen a woman’s attraction switch turned ON when a man simply said “Wow” when the woman walked past him.

If you don’t flirt with a girl or say anything to trigger her interest, she will come away from the interaction feeling unexcited and unmoved by your presence. In other words, her attraction switch remains OFF.

To give yourself the best chance at success when asking a girl out, especially a girl you’ve just men, you must turn her attraction switch ON and make her feel something for you.

Feel the Fear and Ask Her Out Anyway

So what do you say to a girl if you want to ask her out? Is there a secret or simple way to make this process easier?

First of all, if it was easy to ask a girl out, every man would be doing it. As it stands, asking a girl out is often uncomfortable and scary. That’s good. 

This is good because it means that most men don’t have the courage to ask a girl out. This allows you to be the exception. It allows you to stand out and be noticed.

I’m going to assume that you’re asking the question: how to ask a girl out? because this is something that is difficult for you. Fear is holding you back.

Well, what if I told you that it is this fear that turns women off. More accurately, it is giving in to fear that makes a man unattractive. 

All men face fear. It is your ability to overcome fear that makes you stand out in a woman’s mind. It’s having the confidence to go after what (without fear of rejection) that turns women on.

How do you think that beautiful girl you saw in the mall ended up with that ugly, overweight guy you saw her holding hands with? Confidence.

The ugly, overweight guy had the confidence to ask the girl and he didn’t allow rejection to get in the way, even though he would have felt nervous, he had the ability to push through this fear and go after what he wanted.

You must also appear confident if you want to ask a girl out. There is no way around this. 

Feeling nervous when you ask a girl out is normal. Embrace your inner fear and nerves. Don’t try to fight fear.

Accept your nerves as part of being human. Feel your inner-nervousness and encourage it, then push ahead anyway. 

If a girl sees that you’re nervous, but you still have the courage to ask her out anyway, she will be even more flattered by your attention, knowing that it’s rare for you to ask a girl out makes her feel special.

If you like a girl, you have to be direct. Don’t be evasive and don’t try to befriend a girl first, then become her boyfriend later on (this will backfire and get you friendzoned faster than you can blink).

The process for asking a girl out is simple, but the process must be adjusted for different types of situations.

If You Already Have Her Contact Details

If you know a girl already and you have her contact details, the best way to ask her out is to start with a conversation.

In this situation, the girl will either be initiating with you (high probability that she likes you here), or you will be initiating the conversation with her.

Once you start the conversation with something simple like: “Hey, how’s your day?” or “Hey, what are you up to today?” Simply wait for her to respond. 

If the girl gets back to you and is happy to engage you in conversation, you must ask her out.

Now, don’t say something stupid and childish like: “Will you go out with me?” That won’t work and is only going to put too much pressure on her too soon and turn a girl off.

This way of asking a girl out also shows that you’re relationship focused, which, as science shows is a turn off to women.

Instead, you want to ask a girl out by inviting her to join you somewhere or to meet up.

How to Ask a Girl for Her Number

How to Ask a Girl for Her Number

Getting a girl’s number is super easy. Believe it or not, most women will give you their number if you’re confident and you ask her the right way.

Of course, if you’re obnoxious, rude, or demanding you might get rejected. But if you have a degree of charm and seem like a cool dude, you will get a girl’s number every time.

Okay, so why can I say that with such confidence?

The reason I say this is because women want to be asked out, they just want to be asked out by the right kind of guy.

If you storm up to a woman, and, without even introducing yourself, simply say: Will you go out with me? You’re going to get rejected.

If you do this, you’ll do nothing to inspire interest or intrigue. Instead, you’ll be about as appealing as an autistic approach machine.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys take this approach “It’s a numbers game” they say as they hit up the 100th woman with their monosyllabic “Hey, can I get your number?” or “Hey, will you go out with me?”

You need to at least appear to be semi-socialized if you’re going to ask a girl for her number.

This doesn’t mean you can’t get down to business and be direct. You should be direct and you should be confident, but “will you go out with me?” shouldn’t be the first words out of your mouth.

When you ask a girl for her number, you should at least aim to have some kind of interaction with her first. 

There does seem to be a correlation between the amount of time you speak to a woman and your chance of getting her number.

If you meet a girl for the first time, you should try to have a small conversation with her for at least a couple of minutes. 

Find out a little bit about her, ask her for her name, introduce yourself and tell her that when you saw her you just had to come and speak to her.

Be honest with your intentions. You want a girl to think: who is this cool guy who’s talking to me? Not, gosh I wish this weirdo would just disappear.

A woman doesn’t want to feel as though you’re walking around town asking every girl for her number.

If you act in a way that is awkward or uncomfortable, you will make a girl think twice about handing her number to you.

A woman wants to feel special. She wants to feel as though you noticed her and she stood out for a reason.

If you can make a girl feel special, and make her feel as though you chose her above many other girls, she will be much more likely to give you her number with the intention of getting to know you.

I talk more about approaching women and what to say when you first meet a girl in my article How to Talk to Girls and Create Instant Attraction.

Now, after you’ve had a brief interaction with a girl, you want to ask for her number. Don’t be evasive and indirect here. Be confident and natural. 

Here are some of the best lines you can use to ask a girl for her number.

  • Can I get your number, let’s keep in touch
  • Do you have WhatsApp? (Messenger, Line, Facebook, Instagram)
  • Give me your number (for a more confident, bold approach)

Keep it simple and don’t make it too complicated. You don’t need any fancy pickup lines or strategies here. State your intentions and be bold.

Remember, confident behavior is attractive to women. If you do this, you’re pretty much guaranteed to get a girl’s number.

Numbers Vs. Dates

Getting a girl’s number, however, doesn’t mean you’re going to get a date. Any seasoned man who knows a thing or two about women will tell you that getting a girl’s number is no true indicator of interest.

You will only discover if a girl truly likes you and is attracted to you after you have gotten her number. 

Once you get a girl’s number and start messaging her, you will get a true measure of her interest level.

Does she respond to you? Does she seem interested? Does she give one word, indifferent answers? Does she wait a long time before getting back to you? Is she evasive and difficult to set a date with? Does she suddenly disappear on you?

You have to be aware of how a girl responds to your messages to tell if she really likes you, or she just gave you her number because she was being polite.

If she likes you, she will engage you in conversation and want to know more about you.

She will be more responsive and seem excited to talk to you. And she will make it easy to see her and ask her out.

How to Ask A Girl Out On A Date

If you want to ask a girl out on a date, confidence is, again, your best friend here. 

Getting a girl to go out on a date with you is simply a matter of asking her out. Because guess what, the majority of women will never ask a man out on a date, even if they really like him—that’s fact!

It’s your job as a man to ask a girl out on a date; it’s not the girls job to ask you out. 

When you ask a girl out on a date, this is one of the most exciting moments for a girl. If she likes you, she will be over the moon happy to see you.

There are two different types of dates you can set with a woman: same day (spontaneous) dates and planned dates.

Same Day (Spontaneous) Dates

Same day dates are dates where you meet a girl face-to-face or bump into her and go straight out on a date. 

The best way to ask a girl out on spontaneous date is to ask her what she’s up to.

If she responds with “not much” or “just shopping” or “looking for some food.” You can seize the opportunity here and ask her out on a date.

  • Wanna get coffee?
  • Are you hungry?
  • Let’s get a drink.

Give her some suggestions and be causal about it. It’s no big deal if she says yes or no. Be cognizant and aware in this situation. If she umms and ahhhs and hesitates, then cut the interaction short and simply say: “next time.”

If her eyes light up and she says yes, then you can transition straight onto a date with her.

Spontaneous dates are rare, however, and most dates are planned dates. If you ask a girl out on a date, you’re most likely asking her out over text message or online.

How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text 

If you already have a girl’s contact details, you can hit her up and send her a message to ask her out. 

This message must, as mentioned above, be an invitation to join you. Here are some different types of messages you can send to ask a girl out:

  • Are you free later?
  • Wanna grab coffee?
  • Let’s catch up for a drink
  • It would be great to see you
  • Let’s catch up on the weekend if you’re free

All of these texts invite a response from a girl. Remember, if you want to ask a girl out over text, you must give her the opportunity to see you.

The ball is now in her court. She knows you want to see her. She isn’t stupid and she knows you’re asking her out.

If this girl has any interest in you and if she finds you attractive, she will agree to meet up with you and send you a text to confirm the invite.

If, for whatever reason, she isn’t available at that moment in time, she will let you know when she is free and she will provide you with an alternative time to meet up.

Asking a girl out over text or online is an easy way to ask a girl out. However, there are certain rules you must follow.

  1. Never double-text a girl if she doesn’t get back to you straight away.
  2. Wait for her to respond to your message, even if it takes her a week.
  3. If she flakes, don’t panic. You must remain no contact in this situation.
  4. Set the time and place to meet then get off the phone.
  5. There is no need to reconfirm the date, assume the date is still on unless you hear otherwise.
  6. If you’ve just met a girl, ask her out as soon as possible. Set up the date and get off the phone. Don’t talk yourself out of attraction.

If you follow these rules, your chance of success will increase significantly when asking a girl out over text.

How to Ask a Girl Out Online

How to ask a girl out online

If you want to ask a girl out online, there are two things you need to do:

  1. You need to build trust, especially if you don’t know the girl in person.
  2. You need to demonstrate value and build attraction.

First, when it comes to building trust with a girl online, you need to appear safe. 

Building trust online is usually quite easy to do because a girl can see everything about your life. They can see all your friends and they can see what type of life you live.

As long as your photos and posts aren’t weird or give off a “loner/depressed/low-value” vibe, then you can easily gain trust with a girl online.

Going further, when you communicate with a girl online, you want to have a normal conversation with her. You don’t want to rush her into feeling something for you before she’s ready. 

If you want to ask a girl out online, you must first make her feel comfortable and safe talking to you.

Second, you want to demonstrate high-value online—this will make you appear more attractive and make a girl more interested in going out with you.

How to Build Value Online

  • Live an exciting, interesting life
  • Exhibit pro-social behavior
  • Don’t be afraid to post pictures with other women
  • High-status photos project value

You must understand that the online world is superficial. People believe what they see, even if it isn’t true. To project value, you must appear to be high status, even if you’re not.

I talk more about how to build attraction online in my article: How to Attract Women on Social Media and Online Dating.

Once you have established sufficient trust and value with a girl, you can ask her out online. 

You would ask a girl out online in a similar way to asking her out over text. In other words, you must make your intentions clear by inviting her out on a date.

Note: when asking a girl out online, you will need to lay the foundations with more messaging compared to asking a girl out over text or face-to-face.

Boost Your Success Rate by 90%

If you want to boost your success rate with women when it comes to asking a girl out, here are two important points you need to keep in mind:

  1. Be direct and demonstrate courage. Women are attracted to bold and confident men. Men often wonder how to demonstrate value and impress a girl straight away. The answer is simple: display confidence and go after what you want.
  2. If you’re too timid and scared to ask a girl out, you’re going to kill attraction by appearing weak and uncertain. 

One of the biggest mistakes men make with women is this: they never ask a girl out. You can boost your success rate with women by over 90% by simply asking a girl out.

Rejection feels worse than regret. What feels worse: (1) asking a girl out and getting turned down? or (2) seeing a girl you want to ask out and not having the courage to ask her out?

Anyone who’s ever been in this situation knows the answer to this question. Regret feels 1000 times worse than rejection.

Right now as you read this and you contemplate asking a girl out, rejection is probably your number one concern.

You’re worried about rejection when you should be worried about regret instead. 

You should worry that if you don’t ask a girl out, you will regret your decision for the rest of your life.

I can tell you from personal experience that I have never regretted asking a girl out because when you do this you control your own destiny and you give yourself a real chance at dating a girl you like.

Who cares about rejection? Rejection is your friend. It lets you know where you stand and it allows you to move on.

On the other hand, I still remember (and regret) not asking several girls out when I had the chance.

Regret is your worst enemy. It haunts and plagues you with the constant question: What if? What if? What if?

What if you asked that cute girl out in the coffee shop? What would have happened if you asked that cute instructor out at the gym? What if you had the courage to ask that girl out who looked at you in the mall?

You’ll never know the answer to these questions unless you have the courage to ask a girl out. I encourage you to grab life and seize your opportunities while you can.