If your girlfriend has suddenly pulled away from you, this article will show you the best way to handle this situation so you can get her back and reattract her.
First, let’s take a look at an email from a reader who is going through this exact same problem. My response can be seen below in bold.
Note: all names and personal information have been changed for privacy reasons.
Hi Chris, so everything seemed to be going great with my girlfriend until recently and we planned on hanging out on Saturday and I was going to take her to a nice restaurant in town. We had had sex numerous times in the six weeks that we have known each other, and she appeared to be really into me. This is where I cant understand what went wrong and I’m in a total state of shock. Last night she texts me: “Hey I’ve been thinking about this weekend and it kind of made me feel weird, maybe we would be better off as friends.”
Ahhh, here it comes. It’s inevitable. Your new girlfriend has finally been hit with the feeling that the relationship is moving too fast and this is why she is pulling away from you.
My exact response “wow where did that come from? ” “Whatever, good luck it was nice getting to know you”. And a few minutes later I replied. “Now that I think about it, you’rer right, I agree 100% but I’m not interested in friendship, let me know if you change your mind.” “Take care”. that was the exact last texts on both of our parts to this day.
The response you sent isn’t too damaging. And it’s still easy to turn this around. You simply have to remain no contact now until she gets in touch with you, and she will.
I’m just completely baffled about everything where did I screw up? was it the nice restaurant we were planning on going to (even though we had been out for pub food previously) was it suggesting we meet up with my mom and her friends, how did someone that was so interested just walk off like that? was my response ok? and what should I do next, I know go to no contact but I’m just baffled about everything. It totally sucks there was such a physical and emotional connection I know she felt it too. I know she is bogged down with work and school
When a woman is feeling stress in her life, whether that stress comes from her work, financial situation, or personal life, she will naturally withdraw and become difficult to deal with. If you try to make yourself too available during this time and try to see her when she is feeling stress, then you will only be adding to her stress even more. When you do this, she will pull away from you and become distant until her stress is gone. The best way to relieve her stress from your point of view is to make yourself absent until she is ready to reach out to you. Don’t feel like you have to fix her problems or her stress here, you don’t. She will come to you when she’s ready (and the stress has gone).
but she has told me that she appreciates how understanding I have been. Thanks so much I really appreciate it.
This situation is all too common. It’s very common for men and women to get together fast in a rush of excitement. The new relationship is full of promise. You enjoy each other’s company, you enjoy spending time together, and you have great intimacy.
So, it’s even more of a shock when the woman suddenly pulls away out of nowhere. But it actually happens all the time. Why does it happen?
It happens because the relationship is happening too fast. She doesn’t know who you are yet. Even though you have shared great intimacy, she doesn’t know what kind of man you are.
In order to find out, she has to test you. There is no way around this. If she’s going to move forward with you into greater levels of intimacy and commitment, your girlfriend needs to find out what kind of person she is going to be involved with.
If she picks the wrong person, it can be dangerous for her.
Are you the kind of man who gets upset, anxious, needy, clingy, desperate and turns into a stalker? Or are you the kind of man who is confident enough to let her go and give her freedom when she asks for it?
If you fall into the first category, you fail the test and this becomes a real breakup. If you fall into the second category, you pass the test and she comes back to you with greater levels of attraction, wanting greater commitment.
It is, however, only a matter of time before she pulls away and tests you. That has just happened. There is a chapter in my book Atomic Attraction where I talk about never rushing the seduction process. Fast love really is cheap love.
If you give your love away too easily, make yourself too available, it won’t take long for a woman to question your value. You can easily circumvent all of these problems, by allowing her to go and not contacting her until she reaches out to you.
All relationships that start fast tend to burn out fast unless you make a conscious effort to maintain attraction.
It’s always a red flag when a woman tries to rush commitment and rush closeness. Most men, however, don’t see this as a red flag. They think it’s great because the girl is really into them, and she is, but it won’t last long without proper control and maintenance.
Whenever you feel as though things are moving too fast, you must slam the brakes on and start to introduce space to maintain challenge, distance and mystery.
You need to make her work for your attention so she can truly appreciate you. Otherwise, she will end up taking your presence for granted.
In most situations, men panic and freak out when a girl suddenly pulls away after being so close. She isn’t as crazy as you would believe though. She is simply following her emotions and her biological need to test you.
Don’t worry. She will reach out to you and she will be in touch. You must simply keep it relaxed and easy-going. Your attitude should be unaffected by her behavior. As in: hey, it’s great to hear from you, let’s catch up when you’re free, then stay no contact until you hear back from her.