Why The No Contact Rule Is So Effective

Why The No Contact Rule Is So Effective and Powerful

So what is the no contact rule and why is it so effective? The no contact rule is a tactic which you can use to bring balance back into your relationship.

The no contact rule is used when you realize that a girl (or your girlfriend or your wife) is pulling away from you and losing attraction for you. Instead of chasing the girl and trying to convince her to stay in a relationship with you, you pull away and go no contact on her to stimulate attraction.

The reason why the no contact rule is so effective is because of the role of uncertainty. A man must come across as a mystery and a challenge to women, otherwise he becomes uninteresting and unattractive.

Why No Contact Is So Effective:

  1. You’ve made mistakes
  2. Your partner pulls away from you
  3. You need to rebuild attraction
  4. You go no contact
  5. Your partner gets the space they need
  6. Your partner starts to miss you
  7. Your partner starts to get anxious
  8. Your partner starts to think about you
  9. Your partner reaches out to you
  10. You become a more attractive commodity
  11. The balance of power has been restored in the relationship
  12. Your partner wants to see you again

By not contacting your girlfriend, you instill a sense of anxiety in her that brings her focus back onto you.

Research has found that uncertainty is a powerful state of play. Here’s some topical proof. A group of college girls were given information about men who had browsed their online profiles. They were told that the men:

(a) Liked them a lot.
(b) Liked them only an average amount.
(c) Liked them either a lot OR an average amount (uncertain condition).

The results found that the college girls overwhelmingly preferred Group C, where the men displayed a sense of uncertainty. You would expect Group A to be the most popular group, but such a lack of tension does nothing to build attraction. It is almost men-on-a-plate. The uncertain participants reported thinking about the men in Group C the most, and this increased their attraction towards these men.

Case Study: The Right Time To Go No Contact

Chip and Beth had been dating for two months. It had begun as real passionate relationship, almost too good to be true. Chip was on cloud nine. The problem was that he sat on cloud nine all alone. Beth was not there with him. From the lofty position of his soft feelings, he kept messaging Beth to see where she was and what she was doing.

Beth was feeling more and more pressured by Chip and his relentless “nice guy” messaging. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but he was coming on way too strong and was way too focused on the relationship for her liking.

For his part, Chip never let up. He was so overly sure of himself and convinced that Beth would fall in love with him that he continued to send her long messages expressing his love and devotion. Between social media and his phone, Chip deployed his cupid arrows from all angles.

Contact, contact, contact and more contact. How annoying is that? It is pushy and very much one-sided. Your girlfriend isn’t unaware of your messages. Badgering will never help. She obviously needs time. Needless to say, Chip lost out with Beth as he didn’t pull back in time.

Now let’s see the no contact rule used the right way…

William recognized that his girlfriend Mandy was having difficulties, between work, home and their relationship. He assumed she was overrun. He sensed her distance and knew it was the right time to pull away.

Mandy didn’t pick up on the sudden drop of contact immediately. There would have been a subconscious sense of relief, but due to her issues, she raced on with life. Naturally, William felt a tiny bit anxious, but he knew he had to stay the course and leave her to it. After three or four days, Mandy got itchy feet. “Where’s my boyfriend,” she thought. “I hope nothing’s wrong.”

Mandy couldn’t help herself. She finally broke and sent William a message to ask if him everything was ok. This was of course a massive relief for William, but he knew he had to keep a level head and respond in a measured way.

“Just been a little busy, Mandy. Everything’s great. How are you?”

Mandy felt a surge of relief. She smiled and responded with a playful message: “I hope you’re not too busy to see me?”

No Contact Is Not About Playing Games

No Contact Is Not About Playing GamesDone the right way, the No Contact Rule is not about playing games, it’s about giving your girlfriend the space she needs and crave you. It’s about preventing a loss of attraction. It’s about redressing the imbalance of power. It’s about righting the wrongs of the past.

Avoiding your phone is the only hurdle you have to endure. Just wait for her to get in contact with you first. This is a positive and constructive way to recapture her interest for you and restore fading attraction.

Don’t be worried that this is some kind of punitive game. You are providing an opportunity for your girlfriend (or any woman for that matter) to think about you and reach out to you. William therefore played his cards correctly and won Mandy over. He reacted the right way at the right time.

If, in your situation, your girlfriend decides to call you out on game playing or defer her own guilt by having a go at you for being silent, stay calm and take whatever she says and respond with the fact that you were just busy but it’s great to hear from her.

No harm was meant. Just keep in mind that no apology is necessary here. You will be ruining the situation if you stoop to apologize. Attraction will be lost. Tension and anxiety are your best friends in this situation.

Go No Contact to Rebuild Attraction

Go No Contact to Rebuild AttractionAnother effective use of the no contact rule is for you to secure the bond with your girlfriend on a more even footing by restoring attraction when you’ve made major mistakes (i.e., begged, pleaded, apologized, cried, screamed and chased too much).

Perhaps you have have been too needy and allowed your insecurities to get in the way of a good relationship. This can happen when your girlfriend brings up the subject of a new guy at work, for example. Her role might mean that she spends time with this new colleague and you’re starting to feel jealous.

If you allow jealousy to overwhelm you, you will show your hand and it won’t look pretty. Your insecurity is brought to life in the form of nagging questions about who this guy is and unreasonable demands about what time she is coming back from work.

All of this pressure will amount to your girlfriend thinking more about him than you. So, in this kind of situation, pull back a little and don’t initiate contact or pester her. Allow her to come to you. Within days, she will be thinking about you (her real relationship) as opposed to some man she just met at work.

So, remember, if you’re always the first to initiate contact, think again and hold back. Relax and know that by not contacting your girlfriend, you will be generating attraction and you’ll be giving her a reason to get in touch with you. This is why the no contact rule is so effective!

Going No Contact The Right Way

If a woman’s interest level is currently low and you sense her pulling away from you, going no contact is one of the most effective ways to restore interest.

If you’re always the first to initiate contact and reach out in relationships, there’s a good chance you’re killing attraction. You’re neither a mystery nor a challenge. Indeed, it’s only when a woman feels a degree of uncertainty and anxiety that she starts to focus on a man and think more about him.

Uncertainty Increases Attraction

Uncertainty Increases AttractionResearch conducted at the University of Virginia came to the conclusion that men are rated as much more attractive and desirable when there’s a degree of uncertainty and anxiety in the relationship. And while you might hold the position that it’s mean or rude to go no contact on a woman—that somehow you might hurt her feelings—you must focus on what works as opposed to what’s nice if you want to build attraction.

Going no contact is one of the best ways to get a woman focused on you and restore fading interest.

Nevertheless, when you go no contact on a woman, you must expect a degree of resistance. She might try to make you feel guilty for pulling away. She might berate you for ignoring her messages and threaten to cut you off. She might even play the innocent victim. In all these situations, you must never apologize for your behavior, for doing so would only ruin the seduction.

A simple shrug of the shoulders accompanied by an “I’ve been busy” attitude is all that’s required to diffuse the situation. And although this might sound Machiavellian, such is the nature of human attraction.

Women who cry foul and deride men for “playing games” are simply infuriated that men now have the ability to neutralize a woman’s long-held psychological advantage.

Don’t Be Passive Aggressive in No Contact

Don't Be Passive AggressiveYou must ensure, however, that you don’t go no contact in a passive-aggressive way. Going no contact means a woman must reach out to you first. It might take an hour, it might take a day, it might take a week, it might even take a month. Regardless how long it takes, you must wait for a woman to get in touch with you first before you send her any more messages.

When a woman reaches out to you, she’s letting you know that she misses you and she’s thinking about you. You must use this opportunity to establish rapport and ask her out on a date. It’s that simple.

Remember, seduction should be easy and never too complicated. The moment you feel a woman pull away from you, simply mirror her behavior and allow her space by going no contact. If you have the strength and confidence to give a woman space, she’ll come back to you every time.