If your girlfriend’s not attracted to you and you feel like she’s pulling away from you, then this article will show you what to do to rebuild attraction and recapture her attention.
Most men believe that if they buy a woman gifts, take her out for dinner, and show her love and affection, they will, according to logic, receive the same amount of love and affection in return.
The attractive man, however, understands that his investment in a woman is nowhere near as important as her investment in him. If your girlfriend’s not attracted to you at this moment in time, you need to actively start to rebuild attraction with her. How do you do this? You get her to start investing more in you.
If we consider all the various forms of investment that exist within a relationship, the main forms of investment are: (1) emotional: investing one’s emotions and feelings into someone; (2) time: spent thinking about someone, or time spent with them; (3) physical: sharing physical intimacy with another person; and (4) financial: buying gifts or spending money on someone.
All of these forms of investment lead to higher levels of commitment and attraction on the part of the investor. If your girlfriend’s not attracted to you right now, it means she has low levels of emotional and physical investment in you. Either that, or she’s started to withdraw from you like an investor pulls his money out of a stock that’s about to crash.
Get Her to Invest in You
The man who invests all his time, money, effort, and emotions into one woman values that woman a lot more than the man who makes no investment whatsoever. If you invest in someone, you are much more likely to value that person.
Whether your investment is good or bad is beside the point, the feeling of value remains, making it increasingly difficult with each additional level of investment to withdraw your emotions and walk away if the investment turns out to be bad.
This is the danger of the sunk cost fallacy, which states that the more you invest in someone or something, the harder it becomes to walk away, even if that investment turns out to be a bad decision. It’s for this reason alone that people find it so hard to exit a relationship, even when the relationship becomes toxic.
The idea of leaving someone when so much has already been invested is often too much to bear. Understanding how investment works in relationships will not only protect you from future loss it will also help you build greater levels of attraction and stop your girlfriend from losing attraction for you.
In pure Machiavellian style, the man who’s selfish encourages women to invest in him for he understands one simple truth: the more a woman invests in him, the more committed she’ll be. If your goal is to ensnare a woman, you must be selfish, you must be ruthless, and you must be willing to take more than you give.
Some dark research into attraction shows that women who invest in men by taking risks (as in having unprotected sex) are more likely to value the relationship than if they had taken no risks at all. The charming yet ever selfish rogue builds attraction by getting women to invest in him. He knows only too well that every additional act of devotion and investment brings the woman further under his spell.
Case Study: The Attractive Bad Guy
Joel was lost for words. His dream girl, Jocelyn, had spent the last two hours talking about Cole—that selfish asshole who treated her like shit. Joel struggled to keep his cool as Jocelyn told him what a terrible guy Cole was. The list of charges against Cole was both long and depressing: (1) forgetting Jocelyn’s birthday; (2) taking gifts from Jocelyn and never buying anything in return; (3) having sex with Jocelyn while making no attempt to get her off; (4) refusing to spend the weekend with Jocelyn; (5) hanging out with his friends instead of hanging out with Jocelyn. And that was just scratching the surface. It was enough to make Joel’s blood boil.
What was even worse was the fact that Cole refused to commit to Jocelyn and be her “official boyfriend.” What the hell’s wrong with him? Joel thought. I’m here. I’m ready to commit. Why can’t she see that?
Joel was even more frustrated by the fact that two years ago he was the one sitting where Cole is now. What the hell happened? He had been nothing but kind, loving, and supportive in their relationship.
He remembered Jocelyn’s birthday; he remembered their anniversary; he always bought her gifts and showered her with love and attention; he must have given her over a hundred massages; not to mention all the effort he made trying to please her in bed. And for what? Jocelyn had never rewarded him for being a good boyfriend. Instead, she had punished him by insisting they were better off as friends.
Now, here she was torturing him in the worst possible way. And Joel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The woman he loved was telling him that even though Cole was the most selfish, arrogant son of a bitch she had ever met, she still loved him.
Cole, she said, was her “one true love.” And one day he would love her as much as she loved him. Joel had to bite his tongue to stop himself from screaming.
Girlfriend’s Not Attracted to You? Here’s Why…
Look around and you’ll see countless examples of men over-investing in women every day. There’s the man who buys gifts; there’s the man who cooks for hours; there’s the man who spends lavishly; there’s the man who gives massages; and there’s the man who tries to please women any way he can. Consider the following question: could you imagine someone you admire, a truly powerful and attractive man doing any of the above to try and seduce a woman?
Once you pull back the curtain to reveal the inner-workings of the female mind, a plain and simple truth is revealed: women only value that which they work for. If your love is easy to acquire, a woman will naturally find it that much harder to respect you and appreciate you. Conversely, if a woman has to work hard for your attention, pouring all her emotions, time, and energy into you in an effort to win you over, you become infinitely more valuable and attractive. The moment your sense that your girlfriend’s not attracted to you anymore is the moment you must take action.
Maintain Attraction In Long-Term Relationships
If you’re only interested in short-term relationships, there’s no need to worry about maintaining attraction over a long period of time. In brief encounters, all that’s required is the initial spark of attraction to catch a woman’s attention and seduce her.
On the other hand, if you want to maintain a long-term relationship with your girlfriend, you must know how to keep the fires of attraction alive, not just now, but over the course of many years.
One reason why the divorce rate is currently so high (over 50 percent in developed countries) and the reason why women initiate the majority of divorces (approximately 70 percent) is that women often lose attraction for their husbands and see no alternative but to end the relationship. This is the same if your girlfriend’s not attracted to you anymore, it won’t be long before she ends the relationship and wants to leave you. So how do you stop this from happening?
Case Study: He Changed
Ben used to be a player. He knew all the pickup lines and he knew exactly where, when, and how to meet women and seduce them. He was so good at seducing women, in fact, that he always had three to five girls in his life at any one time. And right now, Ben was seeing Michelle, Kate, and Irene at various times throughout the week.
As far as Ben was concerned, Irene was just another girl in a long line of conquests. At least that was how he felt about her in the beginning. It wasn’t long, however, before Ben started to pay more attention to Irene.
She was different to all the other girls. She was sexy, beautiful, ambitious, and interesting. She was also fantastic in bed, and she let Ben do things to her that most men could only dream about. It wasn’t long before Ben was spending more time with Irene and less time with Michelle and Kate.
A month later, Ben decided to focus exclusively on Irene. He had just turned 38, and Ben felt it was time to have a serious relationship after so many years fooling around.
* * *
Twelve months later, Ben and Irene were married with a baby on the way. Now, only a month into the marriage, Ben was already starting to see the cracks appear in their relationship.
For one, he had noticed that Irene was becoming increasingly bitchy and disrespectful towards him. On a number of occasions, she had even told him she couldn’t stand the sight of him. At first, Ben thought she was joking; it turned out, she wasn’t.
On another occasion, Irene had gone so far as to call Ben a “stupid bitch.” Where was all this animosity and hatred coming from? Ben closed his eyes and thought back to a time when Irene had wrapped her arms around him and told him how much she loved him. God, he missed those days.
Now that Irene was pregnant, it was clear that she was starting to lose interest in Ben. Irene didn’t know what was wrong with her, but she knew her feelings towards Ben had changed. She wondered if her bitchiness might be caused by prenatal depression or the stress of being pregnant.
The moment they tied the knot, Ben had made the marriage his number one priority. He was always going out of his way to make her happy, and he was constantly telling her how much he loved her. He even bought Irene a new house as a sign of love and devotion to her and their unborn child. Despite all this, whenever Irene looked at Ben she felt nothing but disappointment bordering on contempt.
One night, in a moment of calm serenity, Irene told Ben she was trying to figure out what was wrong with her and she needed space and time to process her thoughts and feelings. Ben didn’t like the sound of that—space? He told Irene there was no way he could leave her alone, especially when she was pregnant.
Over the next couple of weeks, Irene became increasingly irate as Ben tried his best to fix the relationship. Then, one morning, Irene woke up, and with perfect clarity knew what she had to do. She got into her car, drove to the clinic, and had an abortion.
Irene wanted nothing more to do with Ben. In fact, the very sight of him made her feel sick. He wasn’t the man she had fallen in love with. It was his fault, not hers. In the beginning, she had relished the occasional moments of attention he had given her.
She knew he was seeing other women, but she found the challenge of winning him over both thrilling and exciting. It wasn’t until later that Irene came to realize how much Ben had changed. If she had a craving for chocolate, Ben would run to the store and buy her chocolate. If she disagreed with him, he would instantly back down and try to please her.
What happened to the man she had fallen in love with? Now Irene couldn’t look at Ben without feeling a sense of regret. His weakness was palpable.
Irene felt as though she no longer had any time to herself and whenever she needed space, Ben was always there, hanging around in the background like a bad smell. Irene knew she now had no choice but to get out of the relationship as fast as possible.
Relationships Are Easy in the Beginning
In the early stages of a relationship, the connection is still fresh and invigorating. Then, over the course of time, the man starts to soften. He lets his guard down and becomes sweeter and more responsive to the woman’s needs. This works for a time, perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of months, then, out of nowhere, the woman becomes increasingly withdrawn and difficult to deal with.
For her part, the woman has no idea why she’s feeling so ambivalent about the relationship, the only thing she knows for sure is that she no longer feels the same way. She wants out, and the relationship as far as the woman is concerned is dead.
If you want to keep attraction alive in a long-term relationship, you need to know how to handle problems when they arise and you need to know how to maintain attraction over an extended period of time, keeping the fire of attraction alive through the good times and the bad.