If your girlfriend caught you cheating and broke up with you (or is about to break up with you), this article will show you how to fix this situation and get her back.
But first, Let’s take a look at an email from a reader who is going through this difficult situation himself.
(Note: Real names and personal information have been withheld for privacy reasons.)
Hey Chris, I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 1 year. We had a great relationship, very happy. I know how to keep a women attracted to me (pretty much your principals). And made sure I kept her attraction for me in the 90%. She wanted me to marry her.
It sounds like you did everything right up to this point. She was attracted to you and had a high level of interest in you. This is how it should be. When a woman is attracted to you, she makes everything easy and everything just falls into place.
She broke up with me 6 weeks ago. It wasn’t a loss of attraction. The reason she broke up with me is because I cheated and she found out. I didn’t sleep with the woman, I just went on a couple of dates and we kissed once.
When she confronted me, I denied it because I couldn’t bear to hurt her with the truth and couldn’t believe she found out. She left me regardless.
Cheating is such an ugly word, I don’t like the term because it implies that you are doing something that is bad or evil when, in fact, men are designed (biologically) to be non-monogamous. It’s easy for women to call men cheaters and drag their name through the mud, but that’s easy to say when you have low levels of testosterone in your body (like women). They don’t have the same drive that men do to go out into the world and procreate. So don’t be too hard on yourself or feel guilty for having made this mistake.
This doesn’t mean that society, women, and culture will be as forgiving. Most people are plain ignorant when it comes to “cheating” and what this means and why it happens. There is a big difference between having (emotionless sex for release, which men can do) as opposed to falling head over heals in love with someone.
I’m a good looking man and was tempted in a moment of weakness. I still wanted and loved my girlfriend but I enjoyed the admiration from the new woman. I wanted the best of both worlds I guess.
No need to apologize for your wants and desires. This is perfectly normal. What goes against nature is being monogamous and faithful for your entire life. If you’re an alpha male, then you’re designed to go out into the world and sleep with as many women as possible to procreate. Monogamy, however, is good for society and it does make us more prosperous. It is, therefore, in society and the governments best interests to promote monogamous relationships as the ideal. Monogamy is not a natural state for a man, that is why it’s so difficult to be monogamous, especially if you’re an alpha male.
I didn’t think about the consequences at the time. I’m not a serial cheater or anything. This was my first time and it will never happen again. I cant stand the guilt of hurting someone I love again. I cut the new girl out right away.
If you’re not prepared for the consequences, don’t do it. If you “cheat” on a girl, you must be willing to lose her. Unless you can do that, it’s never a good idea to play with fire. Unless you’re very careful and cover your tracks, women have a way of finding out if you’re sleeping with someone else. They will check your phone, check for hairs in your bed and on your clothes, count condoms and check your social media pictures and connections to sniff out infidelity. Be careful if you’re going to go down this road. If you don’t cover your tracks, you will get caught (unless you are very careful).
I wrote an apology letter to my ex. I told her I didn’t want anything from her just only to say sorry for hurting you. She never responded.
One month later I sent her a text saying I’m open to answering any questions you have and I regret what I did…no response from her.
The worst thing you can do is apologize and tell her you’re sorry in this situation. It is counter-intuitive, and I know you think this is what she wants to hear, but it isn’t.
I’ve been panicking because I felt guilty for cheating and wanted to fix things but I couldn’t because she was ignoring me and I didn’t know what else to do. And then something just clicked in me, maybe from the anger and frustration but I sent her one last email as last ditch effort that said, “I think you’re right about the split. It’s time to move on. I’m done! We’re both at a better place now. Please do not try to contact me. Good luck.”
Its been 2 weeks since I sent that and still no response. I’m using this time to work on myself. My friends (girls) say I should keep going after her and they say it’s not about my ego at this point.
Don’t listen to them. That’s the worst advice you can follow. The last thing you want to do is keep going after her and putting yourself in a weakened position. It will turn her off and make her respect you less.
But I’d rather hear how to get her back from you. Please answer as if you were in my shoes.
She Caught You Cheating
Well, you came to the right place. I have dealt with this situation many times in my own life as well as the lives of my clients. Before I get into how to deal with this situation, I’d like to start by telling you a story about two guys who cheated on their girlfriend.
The first guy (Peter) cheated on his girlfriend and was caught when his girlfriend saw him receive sweet messages on his phone from a girl.
Peter’s girlfriend demanded to see his phone, he panicked, and broke down and told her everything.
He said he made a mistake. He knew it was the wrong thing to do the moment he did it. He got down on his knees and begged his girlfriend to forgive him.
Sensing she now had the upper-hand, Peter’s girlfriend decided to punish him. She called him every name under the same. She told him what a coward he was. She said he was a cheating asshole who didn’t deserve her love.
Peter broke down and sobbed. He begged her to forgive him. “Don’t touch me,” she responded venomously.
And with that, Peter’s girlfriend packed her stuff and left their shared apartment. Peter wrote her a letter to try and explain why he did what he did. He apologized profusely and asked for forgiveness.
“You’re an asshole,” his girlfriend responded. “I never want to see you again, you’re pathetic.” She continued. And with that, Peter lost his girlfriend and despite his best attempts to get her back, he was unable to succeed.
The Best Response + Success Story
Now let’s take a look at the other guy’s situation. Paul cheated on his girlfriend and she found out when she came to his apartment and noticed a pair of girl’s shoes outside the door. In a fit of rage she left and came back the next day to see Paul. “Don’t you have anything to tell me?” She said.
“What?” Paul replied.
“What?” She echoed. “The f@#king girl you had in your apartment yesterday. I know you were sleeping with her because I could hear you guys fooling around outside the door.”
“Oh, her.” Paul said nonchalantly. “Yeah so what, it was just sex.”
“Just sex, are you serious?” His girlfriend replied. “You’re not even sorry for what you did? You’re not even going to apologize.”
“Apologize for what? It was just sex, that’s it. I love you. I care about. That’s all you need to know.”
“Bullshit, if you really cared about me you wouldn’t be sleeping with another woman. You’re a cheating asshole, I never want to see you again.”
“Alright,” Paul shrugged. “If that’s how you feel… do what you gotta do.”
Paul’s girlfriend looked stunned. She ripped a sheet of paper out of Paul’s printer and started to fan her face.
“Oh my God, I’m so mad.” She said as she fanned her face furiously with the paper. She then did something unexpected. Paul’s girlfriend started to take her clothes off. She stripped naked and threw Paul onto the bed.
“I’m so hot, I’m so mad. I need to release my stress,” she said as she proceeded to have passionate sex with Paul.
Now, why did Peter lose his girlfriend and why was Paul able to fix the situation and keep his girlfriend interested in him and raise her attraction even more?
The answer lies in each man’s different response.
Attitude Determines Outcome
Peter freaked out and panicked. He started to shake. He voice trembled. He begged and got down on his knees and pleaded with his girlfriend not to leave him.
Peter’s girlfriend was disgusted and repulsed by his response. He looked weak and pathetic, begging to stay in a relationship with her. He cheated and he couldn’t even own his actions.
Paul, on the other hand, admitted without fear that he cheated. He didn’t apologize and he didn’t try to conceal the truth.
Even though he “cheated” on his girlfriend, he acted without apology. He owned his actions. And he showed no fear when it came to losing her.
(That’s why I say, if you’re going to cheat, you must be prepared to face the fallout with confidence.)
Paul also demonstrated high value. He showed his girlfriend that he could get another woman with ease. His actions, right or wrong, came from a place of strength and confidence. And he also demonstrated preselection (where other women find you attractive you automatically become more attractive as a result).
In this situation, you must act without apology. You don’t need to apologize for mistakes that were, rightly or wrongly, made in the past. You need to demonstrate confidence and own your actions.
Own Your Actions, Even If You Cheated
If you own your actions your girlfriend might not be happy. She might get upset with you. But she will also find you more attractive and she will trust you more.
It wasn’t the cheating that turned Peter’s girlfriend off and made her lose respect for him. It was the way he handled the situation that pushed her away.
If your girlfriend continues to be stubborn and try to punish you, cut her off and go no contact until she reaches out to you. It’s a good idea to let The Fading Effect Bias work to your advantage here.
The Fading Effect Bias is a rule in psychology that states: after 6 weeks No Contact a woman’s negative emotions for a man will fade away and she will start to remember the good parts of their relationship.
She is now left with the positive memories from the relationship and that is why women start to come back and be open to communication around the 6 week mark—minimum.
When you see your girlfriend after cheating on her, don’t bring up your mistakes. Don’t talk about what went wrong. Don’t apologize. Let her bring this stuff up. And if she tries to call you out, simply shrug and tell her it was just sex, nothing more than that.
Own your actions. It happened. You can’t deny it so you must embrace it. If you do this, she will respect you more, trust you more, and feel more attracted to you.