If your girlfriend won’t have sex with you or isn’t interested in sex, then you need to read this article. I’m going to show you exactly what you need to do to get her re-attracted to you again. But first, an email from a guy who is going through this exact same problem.
After dating my girlfriend for three years now, she suddenly decided that she wasn’t going to have sex with me anymore. My girlfriend used to love sex and we used to make love everywhere, so I don’t think there is anything physically wrong with me or her. So it’s really frustrating that she’s suddenly decided to do this.
About six months ago my girlfriend started making excuses every time I tried to kiss her or get close to her. She would tell me that she was busy or that she was feeling tired. I tried doing things around the house to make her feel better and less stressed. I would clean the house for her and do all the cooking and cleaning but she still said she was tired and stressed out from work. She also said that she wasn’t interested in sex anymore.
(The honest and brutal truth is that if your girlfriend is attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, then it doesn’t matter how stressed out she is, she will have sex with you. I’ve seen some of the most stressed out women in the world (lawyers and investment bankers) demand sex in order to release stress. Bottom line: failing a serious hormonal imbalance, if your girlfriend is attracted to you, she will have sex with you.)
What made things worse was the fact that my girlfriend kept promising to have sex with me tomorrow or on the weekend, but then she would act like she forgot, and if I tried to have sex with her then she would get angry and say she wasn’t in the mood and tell me that I was sex obsessed. I think I’m going crazy with frustration and anger here. A part of me wants to go and find another woman just to have sex with, but I love my girlfriend too much to do that. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
(This kind of behavior is not only rude and disrespectful from your girlfriend, it shows no respect for your feelings or your needs and requirements as a man. Why do we enter into a relationship if not to have sex and possibly reproduce? As I always say, if you’re not having sex, you may as well just be friends.)
I tried begging her to have sex with me which was a real low point. I even tried to be super nice to her and give her massages too. Nothing. It didn’t work and it still hasn’t worked. If you could help me to get my girlfriend attracted to me again and having sex with me again I would really appreciate that.
(Well, begging your girlfriend for sex is pretty much the worst thing you can do. The good news is I’m going to tell you exactly what you need to do when your girlfriend won’t have sex with you.)
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Won’t Have Sex
If your girlfriend refuses to have sex with you then it’s really important that you understand what’s going on here.
A lot of websites and advice columns will tell you that if your girlfriend won’t have sex, then you’re not giving her enough romance.
They’ll suggest that you do things like give your girlfriend massages, cook for her, clean the house and essentially act like a complete slave who kisses the ground she walks on. People will also advise you to be nicer to your girlfriend and bring her flowers and leave little love notes and messages for her.
The truth is, doing this never works in reality.
The underlying reason why your girlfriend won’t have sex with you anymore is because she’s lost attraction for you.
Yes, there is truth to the fact that women are aroused in different ways to men. They take longer to warm up and get turned on in different ways.
But unless you’re a complete amateur and you’re literally trying to shove your penis into your girlfriend without any foreplay then there are only a couple of things you need to know. In other words, you don’t need to be a master of love in order for your girlfriend to want to have sex with you.
There are literally millions of reasons, however, why women have sex with men and why they refuse sex. Approximately 237 reasons to be precise.
You might be surprised to hear that women withhold sex for the following reasons (to control a man, to get revenge on her man, to get him to do something for her, to pull away emotionally, to force him to break up with her).
These are just some of the reasons why women withhold sex. But they all have one thing in common, the woman has a less than optimal level of attraction for her man and she believes that this strategy will work.
The following is based on real incidents (names have been changed): Peter had been dating Jane for two years when she suddenly decided that she didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. The reason why Jane decided she didn’t want sex is that she had lost attraction for Peter. She had found Peter very physically attractive in the beginning, but his behavior had, over time, slowly turned her off.
Jane also realized that she could control Peter by not having sex with him. She could get him to do things for her and he would work harder to please her. To her amazement, Jane found out that she only had to have sex with Peter once a month and he was working overtime to please her. “What a desperate idiot,” Jane thought. It was for this very reason that Jane didn’t want to have sex with Peter for pleasure anymore, she just used sex as a weapon to control Peter.
If Jane didn’t have sex with Peter, he would get upset and beg her to make love to him. He was so weak and needy, that he had completely turned Jane off with his behavior. Jane ended up dumping Peter two months later and never looked back.
Three years later, Jane found herself in a relationship with Paul. After they had been dating for a couple of months, Jane thought she would withhold sex because she wanted to see how Paul would react. If he was anything like Peter, she could turn him into another slave for a couple of months before kicking him into touch.
When Paul tried to have sex with Jane, she said she was tired. Paul shrugged and went to sleep. Two days later Paul tried to have sex with Jane again. Again, Jane said she was tired and busy and wasn’t interested in sex. Paul simply laughed it off. He then pulled out his phone and began to text someone.
Jane asked Paul who he was talking to and Paul told her not to worry and to get some sleep. Paul then got dressed and ready to leave. Jane flew into a panic. Where’s he going? She thought to herself. He must have another girl he can call up and have sex with. Jane jumped out of bed and threw her arms around Paul. “Don’t go,” she begged him, pulling his shirt off and kissing him on the cheek… five minutes later Paul and Jane were back in bed making love.
Paul had neutralized Jane’s threat immediately. And Jane never tried a stunt like that again because she had the horrible feeling that Paul had other options and unlike Peter he wasn’t afraid to leave her.
Get Your Girlfriend Interested In Sex
If your girlfriend refuses to have sex with you, or even if your girlfriend has lost interest in having sex with you, then there are a couple of things you can do to reignite the passion in your relationship.
I’m going to tell you what these are in order (because you need to escalate things if she continues to refuse sex and say that she’s not interested).
(Note: don’t even try to talk things through with her and beg her for sex, this never works.)
1. Stop Being A Nice Guy
If you’re being super nice to your girlfriend and trying to please her in order to get her to have sex with you, then stop what you’re doing right now and read this.
Being nice to your girlfriend will NOT get her to have sex with you. In fact, it will destroy her attraction for you even more and make her pull even further away. Thinking about washing the dishes for her and cleaning up the house to make her feel happy and less stressed? Think again.
Now of course you should wash the dishes and clean your own house, but you should do it for you, not to please your girlfriend. Once your girlfriend realizes that you are only doing these “nice things” because you want sex, it won’t be long before she starts using sex as a weapon to control you.
Studies show that women are more attracted to men who display characteristics, like boldness and selfishness, that are completely the opposite to being a nice guy (University of Amsterdam). Use this knowledge to your advantage.
2. Mirror Her
If you’ve been trying to have sex with your girlfriend and she keeps refusing or making excuses, then it’s important to take the focus off sex and and make her believe that you’re no longer interested.
In effect, you need to mirror her actions. When she pulls away and acts like she doesn’t want sex, you do the same. When your girlfriend reaches out to touch you, you respond.
Mirroring is very easy to do and it is effective because it introduces the scarcity principle and will make you more attractive to your girlfriend. The result of this is that she is much more likely to want to have sex with you.
Human beings are strange in so much that we never value or desire things that are given away for free; we only value and desire things that are scarce and valuable. If you can make yourself appear to be more scarce and valuable to your girlfriend, her desire and sexual attraction for you will increase too.
If you mirror you girlfriend and pull away from her and she still won’t have sex with you, then it’s time to escalate things and move on to level two.
3. Walk Away
Your girlfriend won’t have sex with you, she says she’s tired and stressed out and she’s still not interested in making love, what do you do?
I know it’s tempting to bang your head against the wall and scream in rage, but this is where you need to follow a plan of action.
Walking away is one of the best things you can do in the relationship when your girlfriend refuses to have sex.
When I say walk away, you have to completely disengage from your girlfriend. Don’t even think about begging or pleading or talking things through with her (millions of men have tried this strategy before and it never works).
Instead, you need to completely physically withdraw from your girlfriend. You’re no longer going to try and have sex with her, but you’re also no longer going to hug her, kiss her and reach out to touch her—even during the day.
If your girlfriend tries to hug you or touch you, don’t even respond. You want to give your girlfriend the impression that you’re disengaging from the relationship and pulling away.
Once your girlfriend senses that you’re about to leave the relationship she will try to get close to you if she wants to save the relationship and keep you around. The first way that your girlfriend will try to save the relationship is by having sex with you again.
The uncertainty of your sudden withdrawal will send your girlfriend into a frenzy of desire and make her want you even more. It’s been scientifically proven that women become more attracted to a man when they don’t know where they stand in the relationship (University of Virginia).
4. Introduce Dread and Uncertainty
I often recommend going straight to level three if the relationship is still new when your girlfriend pulls the “I’m not interested in sex” card. This is powerful stuff so you need to understand how to do this correctly.
So let’s imagine that you’ve just started dating your girlfriend, and every time you get her into bed she refuses to have sex with you. she keeps making excuses and says she’s not interested or ready. etc. etc. etc. Maybe you’re in a long term relationship and your girlfriend has gone cold on you and refuses sex. What can you do?
In all these situations, there is nothing more powerful than introducing a level of dread and uncertainty into the relationship. Now why would you want to do this?
Introducing dread and uncertainty into the relationship, sends several signals to your girlfriend at once: (1) you’re telling her that you have high value and that you have options. (2) you’re showing confidence and making her feel uncertain. (3) you become scarce and more valuable. (4) your girlfriend will fear that she’s about to lose you.
All of these messages are being sent to your girlfriend at once and doing this is like detonating a mini-nuke inside her mind. Dread is the most powerful hand you can play as a man. With that said, here are some of the best ways to introduce dread and uncertainty into the relationship:
- Smile with amusement when your girlfriend won’t have sex with you. This will make your girlfriend wonder how you can be so cool about everything. She’ll also wonder if you have another girl on the side.
- Talk to other girls on the phone in front of your girlfriend. You can also text other people while she’s with you, when your girlfriend asks who these people are, you can simply respond that it’s just a friend and keep it vague. Your girlfriend’s brain will go into overdrive and her fear receptors will be activated.
- Start exercising (if you don’t already) and buy new clothes. Your girlfriend will notice this straight away and her mind will tell her that you’re seeing other women. She’ll reason that she better do something fast if she wants to keep you around.
- Ignore her phone calls and text messages for a couple of hours or days. This sudden emotional withdrawal will hit your girlfriend harder than a junkie getting a shot of heroin. This will get your girlfriend thinking about you again and focused on you completely.
- Tell your girlfriend that you love being single and you love your freedom. “What is he saying?” She’ll think to herself. Does this mean he’s going to break up with me? Panic and anxiety sets in and she’ll have no choice but to have sex with you.
- Actually go on dates with other women. If your girlfriend finds out about this, simply shrug your shoulders and say you thought she wouldn’t mind. After all, it’s not like she wants sex or anything.
- Walk out when she throws a tantrum about any of these things and don’t speak to her for at least a couple of hours, preferably a few days.
A lot of guys are terrified that if they do these things they will lose their girlfriend forever. The reality is, if you don’t do these things you’ll probably lose her forever.
And In Long Term Relationships…
One of the biggest problems that couples experience in long term relationships is a loss of attraction and sexual desire towards one another. This passion is always incredibly strong in the beginning of the relationship, but it always fades over time if you don’t take proper steps to maintain it.
The greatest sex killer that I’ve seen in my experience is when couples spend all their time together. They sleep together, they eat together, they hang out together, watch TV together, brush their teeth together.
I’ve seen cases where couples become so comfortable in the relationship that they walk around naked in front of each other and even go to the bathroom in front of each other. This might feel comfortable and easy, but be warned, doing this is a big attraction killer.
If you don’t have space in a relationship then you can’t spark sexual tension with your girlfriend, and if you don’t have sexual tension then you can’t have sexual desire.
I always strongly advise couples to bring space back into the relationship, even if your girlfriend doesn’t want space and gets upset, you need to be the one to enforce it.
If your girlfriend sees you most days of the week then it’s a good idea to pull away (even if things are going well) and bring space back into the relationship. This will raise your girlfriend’s attraction for you and make her want to have sex with you again.
PS. If your girlfriend has pulled away from you or left you, you need to get the Get Her Back (Action Plan) for an instant solution to your problem. This guide will show you the fastest and easiest way to get your girlfriend back and keep her.
PPS. If you need professional advice to help you get your girlfriend back and keep her, you can book an emergency response email or Skype/phone consultation with me by going to the emergency help page. I can then give you my very own personal insight and solution plan to your problem.