Girlfriend Wants to Date Another Guy - What Should You Do?

Girlfriend Wants to Date Another Guy – What Should You Do?

If your girlfriend wants to date other guys, what is the best way to change her mind and get her focused back on you? This article will show you how to handle this situation the right way and keep her interested.

First, let’s take a look at an email from a reader who is going through this exact same problem. My response can be seen below in bold.

Note: all names and personal information have been changed for privacy reason.

Hi Chris, I have a very sweet, loving girlfriend who isn’t the type to play games because she’s very genuine and genuinely loves me. Please keep this in mind because most girls you talk about seem to be swayed by a certain set of rules or games, and I just feel like acting as if I don’t care about her in order to seem attractive isn’t going to work with her. I feel like if I acted that way, she would just accept it without trying to get me back. 

That’s great that your girlfriend is genuine and loves you. You’re right, you don’t need to play games with a girl and you shouldn’t have to. It’s not about playing games or about being passive aggressive. Always be genuine.

Sometimes a man becomes too relationship focused, however, that he inadvertently turns his giflfirned off. In that case, behavioral adjustments need to be made for the man to get realigned with his masculine side (and put the focus back on himself, his mission, and his work). This is crucial if you want to maintain attraction with a woman over the long-term.

That said, everything in our relationship had been going great until last Tuesday when she told me she’d been feeling stressed for the last couple days about the future.

When a woman is feeling stress in her life, whether that stress comes from her work, financial situation, or personal life, she will naturally withdraw and become difficult to deal with.

If you try to make yourself too available during this time and try to see her when she is feeling stress, then you will only be adding to her stress even more. When you do this, she will pull away from you and become distant until her stress is gone.

The best way to relieve her stress from your point of view is to make yourself absent until she is ready to reach out to you. Don’t feel like you have to fix her problems or her stress here, you don’t. She will come to you when she’s ready (and the stress has gone).

She loves me a ton and basically wants to marry me, but the idea of feeling trapped freaks her out. Right now we’ve reached the point in our relationship that she says is normally the time she ends things with guys, but she doesn’t want to do that because she says she loves me more than any other guy she’s dated.

She also worries about whether I’m the right one because she doesn’t feel as excited to hang out with me as she used to and as much as she thinks she should feel. (But to be fair, we do hang out almost everyday) However, she says the idea of leaving me makes her so sad to think about and would just cripple her inside. 

There is no need to break up or worry about her leaving you, but you do need to bring some space into the relationship. As you can see, she has told you what the problem is already (albeit in a subtle way).

She says she worries about whether you’re the right one because she doesn’t feel as excited to hang out with you as she used to. And, as you said: “…but to be fair, we do hang out almost everyday.

She told me she needed a break to talk to another guy she used to be interested in in order to figure out her feelings for me, but reassured me that she was doing it for just that reason and wasn’t interested in the guy anymore. (I know it seems sketchy, but I know she was telling the truth.)

She was very grateful that I was so understanding because I told her to go ahead and do it if that’s what she needed to feel good about things. 

You can’t spend every day with a woman and expect attraction to remain stable. You need to embrace space and bring it back into the relationship here. The moment your girlfriend feels smothered in a relationship is the moment she begins to feel a slew of emotions ranging from boredom, apathy, suffocation, and restlessness. 

On the other hand, the moment the all-important element of space is introduced back into the relationship, your girlfriend is no longer assured of your presence. This is the moment the element of anxiety creeps back into the relationship. 

It’s at this point that the woman begins to feel anxious and excited, becoming more and more fixated you the longer he’s away from her. Whether you find yourself in a new relationship or a twenty-year marriage, you must learn to embrace space and welcome it into your life. 

So I’ve been waiting anxiously hoping to hear good news about her decision this Saturday, but she called me today crying. She said she’s so confused because she met up with the guy but didn’t expect to feel so excited about it, but said maybe it’s because she usually gets excited about first dates so she needs another week to keep hanging out with him to see if she’ll continue feeling that way. She could tell I was sad, but I agreed with her and she thanked me for being so understanding. What do I do? 

Oh man, welcome to the world of women. You say she genuinely loves you and cares about you—would a woman who genuinely loves you and cares about you not want to see you just because she doesn’t feel excited anymore? Would she go and want to date another guy while she is in a relationship with you? This reeks of immaturity and selfishness on her part.

Restore Lost Attraction

The fix is easy. Whether or not you’re willing to implement the fix is another matter. Let’s begin with the basic problem: Your girlfriend is no longer attracted to you. She doesn’t feel excited by your present. And she has left you, temporarily, to explore her feelings with someone else. 

So this leads us to the next logical step. How do you get your girlfriend to feel attracted to you again? She obviously loves you and it seems that you can feel that even though she wants to dat

You must, however, watch a woman’s actions, not her words, if you want to see what she’s really thinking and feeling.

Remember, love and attraction are two separate entities. Love is warm and safe and comfortable. Attraction grows in tension, space, uncertainty, mystery challenge. 

It’s possible for your girlfriend to love you, but not feel attracted to you. If she doesn’t feel attracted to you, then she will pull away, even if she loves you.

First attraction comes into a relationship followed by love. If, at any point, attraction slides out of the relationship, the love will eventually disappear as well.

Why She Wants to Date Another Guy

The first step is to become aware of how you killed attraction in the relationship. If there is too much certainty and focus on the relationship from your end, your girlfriend will lose attraction for you.

If there is no space (as you said, you see each other every day), you will kill attraction in the relationship and your girlfriend will pull away from you, even if she loves you.

Attraction isn’t kind and sweet and loving. It’s grounded in biology and serves no purpose other than to ensure and maximize a woman’s reproductive potential. If you ignore this fact, you do so at your own peril.

So, let’s look at the steps you need to take to re-attract your girlfriend in this situation:

First, you must make space a priority in your relationship. There is no need to spend all day, every day with a woman. 

If you do this, you’re sub communicating to your girlfriend that you are focused on her and making her your priority in life. A man’s priority should never be a woman. Men aren’t designed to be relationship focused. Men are designed to be hunter-gatherers. We go out into the world and create and build and work. 

If you put your focus onto creation and working, you allow the woman to focus on the relationship, which is what women are supposed to focus on. If you subvert this natural dynamic, the woman will get upset and feel unexcited by your presence.

Again, you don’t need to be passive aggressive here. But you do need to take the focus off your girlfriend and make other things in your life a priority. 

Change How She Sees You

Over the long run, you need to transition from being the one who is texting her first to allowing her to come to you. Also, make sure that when she does come to you that you are fun and light and playful. 

Never talk about the state of the relationship because this is a woman’s area and her primary focus. You also want to be a genuinely busy man, the kind of man that a woman has to work to see you. 

It’s also incredibly important to mirror her actions. When you feel her start to pull away from you like she has just done… then you do the same and pull away and wait for her to reach out to you. 

She will reach out to you, but you have to take a firm stance here. It’s going to require you to toughen up and not be so soft with her. And why should you be soft and reward her for pulling away from you? Just so she can explore her feelings of attraction with someone else?

Make her reach out to you. She was the one who pulled away from you, she must be the one to come back to you. If she comes to realize that you are indifferent to her erratic emotions and the fact she has pulled away, she will start to feel tension and anxiety over you.

You have much more time in with your girlfriend, a greater level of emotional attachment, and a strong bond with her. If you allow her space to run free, she will choose you over anyone else. 

The Key to Attraction

The key is to make her feel attraction for you again. How do you do this? You must make her feel tension, uncertainty, anxiety, challenge and mystery.

In order to make your girlfriend feel those things,  you need to withdraw your attention away from her and put your focus onto more important things like your work, hobbies, projects, fitness, church etc. Develop and improve yourself first. That should be your priority.

Don’t try to compete with Mother Nature and biology using faith and cultural beliefs that dictate how a man “should” treat a woman. You will never win and you will lose the girl if you do this. I’ve seen it happen too many times.

If she pulls away, she must come back to you without you trying to chase her back. Allow her to feel the space and freedom of life without you.

If you have the confidence to let her run free without chasing her back, she will come back to you every time.

In this situation, you must let your girlfriend go and don’t contact her unless she contacts you. There is no need to tell her how you feel, how much you care about her, and how much you miss her.

You want to bring challenge and mystery into the equation here. Let her wonder about you. Make her miss you. If you do this for a couple of weeks, she will be running back into your arms.