If you find yourself in the situation where your girlfriend doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, then read on. Not being wanted anymore hurts, so take a deep breath and continue reading to help save your relationship before it’s too late.
Now there are two reasons why your girlfriend most likely doesn’t want a relationship anymore, and each reason depends on your “relationship situation.” Before we get into that, it’s important to take a look at the utopian relationship dream, the Disney relationship fairytale that ruins most relationships before the relationship even has a chance to get started.
Man meets woman. Instant attraction. Plenty of communication. They fall in love and start a relationship. Lot’s of cuddling. Copious kissing. Rampant sex. Hot flirtatious moments. Dinners, which turn into breakfasts. They move in together. Feelings grow. Life is exciting.
Time passes and the Disney relationship starts to fade.
Less and less excitement. Less kissing. Less sex and only the occasional embrace. The silence and distance continues to grow between you…
“What gives?” I hear you all cry. Just picture that fairytale. Seriously, was the bed of roses with “kissy” cuddles and endless daily sex really going to go last forever?
Beware of Fading Attraction
As time together passes, life gets comfortable and formulaic allowing boredom to set in. Feelings fade as the relationship grows stale. A relationship needs nurturing. The above fairytale isn’t out of reach, but it doesn’t come through laying back and expecting nature to take its course with your best interests at heart. Humor me for a minute and consider an indoor plant:
An indoor plant is isolated from mother nature outside. It is solely reliant on you to maintain its health in order to survive and grow. You must water it and move it to keep it in the best light or shady conditions. Every now and then you must feed it with nutrients and wipe its leaves of dust. Sometimes, you will need to cut its stems to promote further growth.
However, if you sit back and simply admire your plant passively, its growth will stifle and as much as you think you care for it, the colors will change for the worse and those green leaves will go limp. Does this change really mean that your plant doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore?
Just like a plant, a relationship needs tender care and consideration. Active input is required if you want progression and lasting love. Even as a plants leaves are cut back (in a positive and caring fashion), so too, must a relationship have these seemingly harsh cuts, balanced with tender love and affection. Don’t jump to the conclusion that your girlfriend doesn’t want a relationship anymore just because feelings are distant and attraction seems to be fading away.
When Feelings Fade
A possibility is that the feelings between the two of you really have changed. This could happen before you reach that deep stage of love. Perhaps it was a mistake to get together, or that the relationship began for the wrong reasons. It could be, for example, that your girlfriend was only just out of her previous relationship and was looking for a rebound.
You might also cause your girlfriend to not want a relationship with you anymore by acting in an unattractive way. Insecurity. Anxiety. Desperation. Neediness. These traits all turn women off.
If you don’t adjust how you’re acting in the short-term, you will lose out as your girlfriend won’t want a relationship with you anymore. Also, if it was only ever meant to be a short time relationship, there is a good chance that you can turn it into a long term relationship by employing the same tactics I’ll describe below to rescue your current relationship.
There’s A Loss of Attraction
Under the natural progression of a happy relationship, it is difficult to maintain fairytale conditions and constant happiness. This is something you must learn as a concept, as it happens to most if not all relationships. Once you recognize this fact, you then need to maintain attraction and this is not something which happens passively. So, as with the indoor plant example, you need to take action to inspire results.
If left to stagnate, a slow and painful relationship death will occur. Even more frustrating and annoying is the fact that there is often no clear reason why your girlfriend suddenly wants to exit the relationship.
So, regardless of the different scenarios laid out above, an adjustment of action on your part is vital and can steer the course of the relationship back into a more positive light, and also make your girlfriend want to stay in a relationship with you.
Case Study: She’s Pulling Away
Brian was dating Rose. They enjoyed a happy and fruitful six months together. As much as life seemed “rosy,” thorns started to appear between them and Brian noticed that Rose was pulling away from him. As far as Brian knew, he had done nothing wrong. When he tried to kiss Rose, he felt the prick of a thorn. It felt like she had lost attraction for him.
Rose’s thorns needed trimming!
Metaphorical of course, but these spiky thorns protrude subconsciously from your girlfriend when things don’t feel right. It is natures way of creating a spur to get you to change. The reasons for this vary, and we will look at the possibilities below. The key factor here is that if you sit back and feel content that you have your relationship in the bag, your girlfriend will get to the point where she doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore and she’ll start to lose attraction for you. You’ve neglected to keep her interest and the feelings alive. Something is not right.
Brian realized, through helpful coaching, that he needed to get more active and less passive with Rose. He became aware that he had simply become boring and nice as everything was just too perfect and easy. The pot really needed stirring and Rose needed to feel challenged.
As Brian analyzed his time with Rose, it occurred to him that they were living on top of each other and he never went out much anymore with his friends. That was an obvious place to start to try and fix the relationship. Brian simply needed to cut time from Rose, and in doing so, blunt those thorns!
She Doesn’t Want A Relationship, Pull Away!
By deciding to spend time with your friends, you remove yourself from your girlfriend’s proximity. This, in turn, satisfies the need for scarcity. With the scarcity rule, you are increasing your value by becoming momentarily unavailable. This means your girlfriend will begin to think more about you and start investing her time and thoughts in wondering where you are, who you’re with etc…
Then she will succumb to desire and it is this desire which fuels your value. If you do this, when you see her again, your girlfriend will be itching to jump into your arms. Keep this practice up every week, as it is a healthy habit to get into.
The mystery of being out with the guys will be enough to create that healthy level of jealousy. Note also that this method of spending time apart to invigorate the bond you have can be worth trying when you are in a short-term relationship too.
This simple change in tactic might be enough to rescue a fading relationship and get your girlfriend re-investing in you. However, you may find yourself in a different situation. There may be other reasons why your girlfriend is pulling away and doesn’t want a relationship anymore.
Why Women Want to Breakup
In self-analyzing your behavior, you must ask yourself if you have been too clingy, needy and insecure. These actions will cause your girlfriend to lose respect and attraction for you. You will lower your value by acting this way. So ask yourself, have you been:
— Too Nice
— Chasing Her
You need to be really honest with yourself here. You will need to understand what you have been doing and do the opposite. Don’t do too much at once, or you will throw your girlfriend off balance. You don’t want to suddenly come across as a completely different and alien personality. Take one of the major themes and act on that.
Let’s say you have been over burdening your girlfriend with attention and fussing over her by doing everything for her or questioning her every action. Bite the bullet and stop. Take a step back. She will have lost attraction for you because of this, so you need to rebuild attraction at this point. By backing off, you will earn her respect and within a short amount of time, she will start to become attracted to you again.
Remember the indoor plant? You simply have to create the right conditions for love and attraction to grow again. Too much attention will kill attraction and push your girlfriend away. Not enough attention and love and the relationship will go limp.
Your girlfriend saying or giving you the feeling that she does not want a relationship anymore happens because your girlfriend isn’t happy with you. This can easily be turned around by following the advice in this article and in my guide.
It is most likely your insecurity and anxiety that is killing the relationship. Relax and stop focusing on your girlfriend. Take time out with friends and don’t message her as much. Once you start to do this, you will notice that your girlfriend will respond to you in a much more positive way.