If your girlfriend wants to break up with you, you might be full of panic and anxiety right now. That’s why it’s important to know how to handle the situation the right way so you can keep your girlfriend and make sure you don’t lose her before it’s too late. But first…
Here are the top 10 reasons why your girlfriend might want to break up with you:
1. You upset her
2. You lied to her
3. She’s testing you
4. You turned her off
5. You cheated on her
6. She’s angry with you
7. She doesn’t trust you
8. You’ve become relationship focused
9. She thinks you’re week and insecure
10. You disrespected her, her friends, or her family
If your girlfriend wants to break up with you, it’s natural to focus on the image of her walking out of your life. But your girlfriend saying she “wants to break up” is different to her actually really wanting to break up with you.
Real Break Up Vs. Fake Break Up
“Tom, I don’t think we can go on like this. I think we should break up,” said Janice. Tom is stunned to silence as Janice looks into his worried eyes. She tuts at him then leaves the room.
Tom thinks back to what he might have done wrong. He’s puzzled and scratches his disheveled hair in confusion. Moving a pizza box, he sits down on the couch and looks mournful.
Kicking over a half-empty can of soda on the carpet, he struggles to see why Janice might have changed her mind about being with him. He fires up the X-Box and smiles as he begins to play his favorite video game, trying to numb the pain, trying…
Ok, so alarm bells are ringing, and it’s natural in this situation to think it’s over. But is it really over and has Janice really broken up with Tom? It’s unlikely. Let’s explore the reason.
Because women are entirely responsive to a man’s behavior, a woman will often say things like: “I want to break up,” “I need my own space,” I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” “I’m so mad I don’t ever want to see you again.”
The biggest mistake you can make is to listen to the woman and take her words at face value. Just because your girlfriend wants to break up with you doesn’t mean that she ACTUALLY wants to break up with you.
Tom has to see the situation objectively, and, most of all, see the situation from Janice’s point of view. What’s wrong with her right at this moment in time and why is she acting this way?
Main Reasons Why Women Want to Break Up
Situation 1: Either you’ve done something to genuinely upset your girlfriend (i.e, you cheated on her, disrespected her, were rude to her).
Situation 2 (and the most common sitaution: You didn’t do anything to upset your girlfriend directly (i.e., you acted in a way that turned her off and made her lose attraction and respect for you indirectly).
Maybe you’ve fallen into the trap of thinking that you “have your girlfriend for life” only for her to lose attraction for you and pull away once you got comfortable in the relationship?
Think back to the beginning when you first met your girlfriend. What was it about you that made her find you so attractive?
You most likely displayed certain characteristics that she found attractive. In most situations, guys are relaxed, easy-going and fun to be around in the beginning of a relationship. They look good, hit the gym and have other interests besides their girlfriend.
Only the moment you start to fall for your girlfriend and soften, she pulls away from you. You changed in the relationship and your girlfriend doesn’t like it.
Did you change to please her?
This is an easy situation to fix, so long as you recognize the warning signs and take action. You’ve seduced her before (in the beginning) and you can do it again.
You know what you need to do to win her over. You need to go back to how you were acting in the beginning of the relationship and start being the attractive person you used to be.
By letting yourself go, you have effectively said to your girlfriend that her investment in you is not worth the effort. You have also lowered your own value and in doing so, her value has increased as a result.
At this point, your girlfriend’s sub-conscious mind is telling her that she is the more attractive, desirable person in the relationship; and the moment a woman thinks you’re low value, is the moment she’ll start to pull away from you.
If your girlfriend says she wants to break up with you, then take a step back and look at how you’re behaving in relation to when you first met her. Be honest with yourself: “Have you let yourself go?”
Rebuild Your Value to Rebuild Attraction
When you’re overweight and out of shape it shows that you don’t respect yourself anymore—and how can you expect your girlfriend to be attracted to you and respect you if you can’t even respect yourself?
You might have slackened with your personal hygiene and your appearance. You might have become lazy. You might have sacrificed your goals and ambitions in order to please your girlfriend? Sound familiar?
If you did any of these things and made your girlfriend the center of your world, don’t be surprised if she pulls away from you and says she wants to break up with you.
Think back to our story. Tom had to shove a pizza box out of the way to sit down and feel sorry for himself. Picture that room. If Janice had seen the mess he lived in when she started dating him, she wouldn’t have had any expectations for him in the first place.
As it stands, Tom used to be clean and hygienic. He used to take care of himself and his apartment. He used to have ambition and drive. He used to focus on himself, his goals, his education, his health… until he met Janice. That’s when everything changed. That’s when he made Janice the main focus of his life and in return she made him a low priority.
The Best Way to Respond to a Break Up
I can’t tell you how many people I’ve dealt with over the years who have been in the situation where their girlfriend tells them that they want to break up.
The poor guy panics, believes every word, and does everything he can to fix the situation. He starts calling and texting his girlfriend, begging for a second chance.
Only this behavior seems to push her even further away. Some men blame themselves. Some men blame their girlfriends. Some men get angry. Some men call her out. Some men plead and cry.
All of these reactions are wrong and do nothing to make your girlfriend want you again.
Attraction Is Key
Let’s say it again: this all boils down to “Attraction.”
The standards which you displayed when you first met your girlfriend are what attracted her to you in the first place. She chose you based on who you were when she first met you.
If you are now failing yourself in your appearance, your goals, and your focus, then you’re also failing your girlfriend and what she expects from you.
Your attraction has dropped off a cliff and that’s why your girlfriend now says she wants to break up with you. She no longer finds you attractive.
If you want to keep your girlfriend, you first need to fix yourself and raise your value. Otherwise, you will continue to slip further into oblivion. Once there, no self-respecting female will want you (except for the ones you have no interest in dating—it always seems to be that way).
Use this moment as a golden opportunity. Because if you play your cards right, there’s a strong chance you’ll not only be able to rekindle the romance with your girlfriend, but you’ll also be able to increase her attraction for you and take her love and respect for you to the next level.
How To Respond When Your Girlfriend Wants to Break Up
“Jan, I think you could be right. It’s probably better if we take a break right now.”
What? Tom’s response shocks Janice as he reaches out to her the following day.
Janice didn’t expect Tom to respond this way. She thought he would break down and beg for a second chance like all her previous boyfriends did in the past. God, they were all so unattractive when she broke up with them, Janice thought. But not Tom.
His response was different. She didn’t expect this. Maybe she didn’t have him figured out after all. She thought he was besotted with her. That was how he’d been acting recently, “pathetically obsessed” was the way she’d described him to one of her friends. But maybe she was wrong.
“I’m pleased you agree.” Janice messaged back, trying to call his bluff. When Tom responded with a simple smiley face. Just a smiley face! Jan knew he meant it, every single word.
A week later, after not hearing another word from Tom, Janice was starting to miss him and she was regretting saying she wanted to break up with him. She didn’t really mean it, she was just upset with him for some reason in the moment.
Janice knew she didn’t really want to leave Tom. Deep down, she knew she wanted to give him a second chance. That’s when she sent him the following message: “I miss you, what are you up to?”
Tom had managed to salvage the relationship by allowing Janice space, not panicking, and allowing her to come back to him when she was ready.
In your situation, you might need to look beyond whether you’ve let yourself go. Your girlfriend might also might want to break up with you if you’ve become too clingy.
This kind of behavior is an attraction killer. You become like a needy baby. Introspection will be required for you to work out your patterns and attachment issues here. If you think you might be guilty of this, ask yourself:
• Are you messaging her too often? – Tell tale sign is the balance of your messages vs her responses and the timing
• Are you always around her when we are at home? – Following her into different rooms
• Are you trying to get close to her in bed every night and morning?
• Are you giving her space or trying to be with her all the time?
You need to realize that space and absence are important components of attraction.
There really is such a thing as “too much of a good thing.” You need to rebuild attraction by creating space so you can look forward to seeing each other again.
By being away for an evening or weekend, you miss your girlfriend and she misses you. You create tension and build attraction at the same time. Then, once you come together again, there is a sense of having refueled and a new passion is unleashed. This breaks the routine monotony of the relationship and makes your girlfriend want you even more. Predictability in a relationship is death.
So again, be honest with yourself when working out how you behave around your girlfriend. Work out what you must do to adjust your approach and rekindle the attraction so your girlfriend no longer wants to break up with you.
Get Her to Want You Again
In your situation where this girl has actually decided to pull away from you, you have to let her go and “counter intuitively” it works best if you encourage her to leave and do her own thing.
The reason why this works from an attraction perspective is that by doing this you’re sub-communicating to a girl that you can live your life and be happy without her and that you’re not concerned whether she stays or leaves.
This will not only make you appear to be a very high value man with options, it will also make her confused and will put her into a state of doubt and uncertainty. This state of uncertainty has been scientifically proven to increase a woman’s attraction for a man (University of Virginia).
Remember, you must always maintain the three CCC’s which are (1) Control – of yourself (don’t over-pursue and chase your girlfriend) (2) Confidence and (3) be a Challenge – make this girl work for your approval.
Don’t be too nice and sweet to this girl at this time. It’s better to put her into a state of uncertainty while she is away from you. That way she will be thinking about you and the state of your relationship—this will do more for your cause than a 1000 roses and romantic dinners.
If a woman is comfortable and has certainty in a relationship, that’s when trouble sets in and they start looking at other possibilities and options.
You always want to make sure that your girlfriend sees you as the higher value person in the relationship—be a man that has options and who she has to work hard to keep in her life.
From a biological perspective, a man should always be the higher value person in the relationship (even if this value is just perceived value).
Remember, it’s scientifically proven that women are much more attracted to men who are confident and a challenge (University of Rochester).
There’s no need to play games here. This is about getting yourself back to a place where you should be. To an attractive state. A State where your focus is on YOU, YOUR mission, YOUR goals.
Do this and it won’t be long before your girlfriend wants to get back together with you again and thoughts of break up are nothing but a distant memory.