I recently received the following email from a reader who’s scared that his girlfriend will leave him:
“…I’m so scared that my girlfriend will leave me. I know it sounds stupid but I can’t shake this fear and I feel like it’s stopping me from being myself and it’s causing me to live in a constant state of anxiety. I love my girlfriend like crazy and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
The only problem is that I’ve never felt so afraid of losing anyone before in my life. I was wondering if you could tell me what the best way to deal with this situation is?
Much appreciated,
Edward
If you’re scared that your girlfriend will leave you, then this article will show you what you need to do to stop this from happening. After all, prevention is better than cure, right.
A lot of guys are terrified that their girlfriend will leave them. They feel their girlfriend pulling away from them and they feel like that’s the end. It’s only a matter of time before their girlfriend disappears from their life altogether.
Why are men so scared that their girlfriends will leave them? In my experience, guys have either (a) had this happen to them before, or (b) they feel like they aren’t good enough to hold onto their girlfriend and they’re scared that if their girlfriend leaves them then they’ll never be able to get another girl like her again.
When You Feel Scared, You Act Scared
If you’re scared that your girlfriend will leave you, it will most likely come true (we do, after all, attract what we fear most).
Now let’s talk about how we can remove this fear so you can feel confident that your girlfriend will stick around.
When you feel scared that your girlfriend will leave you, your girlfriend will start to lose interest in you because she’ll start to sense your weakness and insecurity.
First of all, fear is a perfectly normal human emotion. That much is true. Fear of loss is also more powerful than our desire for gain. This is known as loss aversion (Tversky & Kahneman).
It has been psychologically proven that people fear losing things more then they desire acquiring something new.
Men who are terrified of losing their girlfriend believe that it’s incredibly difficult to meet women (especially beautiful women) and therefore their girlfriend becomes even more valuable, like some kind of rare diamond.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that it causes men to act scared.
You know this is wrong and uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this article. And when you act and feel scared of losing your girlfriend, you will eventually lose her because she’ll sense your weakness and she’ll start to really believe that you’re not good enough for her.
Fear Causes You To Lose Value
I’ve talked about how important it is for a man to project high value when dating women. High value ensures that your girlfriend is attracted to you, respects you and will never seriously consider leaving you.
If, however, you project low value, your girlfriend will be so repulsed and turned off by you that she will have no choice but to leave you (an obese, ugly women is as repulsive to a man as a weak, fearful man).
As humans, we can’t help but act the way we feel inside. If you feel weak and scared that your girlfriend will leave you, you will act fearful and weak.
If, on the other hand, you are confident and sure of yourself, then you will portray confidence and strength too.
Who do you think your girlfriend is going to be more attracted to? A strong, confident man or a weak, fearful man.
The following is based on real life incidents: Peter had been dating his girlfriend Jane for six months. He couldn’t believe his luck. He’d never been out with a girl as beautiful as Jane before. She was everything he had ever desired and wanted. But there was only one problem, Peter was scared that his girlfriend Jane would one day leave him…
I hate feeling terrified and scared all the time Peter thought to himself. I need to do something about this. I need to know that Jane really loves me and won’t leave me. Peter decided to ask Jane if she really did love him. She told him that she did, but Peter still doubted the sincerity of her feelings, so he decided to ask her again and make her promise that she would never leave him.
Jane was instantly turned off by Peter’s behavior. His desperation made her feel like Peter was insecure (therefore, she could only draw one conclusion: Peter must be a low value man).
My own research into female attraction shows that women desire a man who is high value. Yes, women want love and they want to find that “special” man they can love—however, this all comes with the following disclaimer: women want a man who is worthy enough for them to invest their love into—Jane obviously felt that Peter wasn’t worthy enough for her love.
What You Fear You Attract
I had a good friend back in college, who, seven years on was still dating his college sweetheart. One of those sweet NYC girls (I say that tongue in cheek). This girl was a real beauty and my friend always considered himself lucky to be dating her.
One day my friend lost his “high-paying” job and he told me that he was terrified to tell his girlfriend. Why? In case she suddenly left him because she thought he was a loser.
My friend hoped that he could find another job so he didn’t have to tell her… then surprise surprise, a little bird in the form of a mutual friend told my friend’s girlfriend that he had lost his job. The girl confronted my friend about this.
My friend became terrified that she would leave him, and guess what? She did leave him. But not because he lost his job. My friend’s girlfriend left him because he showed weakness and fear and was too scared to tell her about his job situation.
My friend’s girlfriend wasn’t upset that he lost his job, she simply smelled weakness (like a shark smells blood) and this in itself was enough for her to leave him.
Could my friend have redeemed the situation and saved the relationship? Absolutely. But to do this he would have had to have done the opposite of what he did (i.e., show no begging, no pleading and no fear).
You’re Scared Your Girlfriend Will Leave You, Now What Are You Going To Do About It?
I get it. You’re scared that your girlfriend will leave you and run off with some other guy. So what exactly can you do about this?
If you’re truly scared that your girlfriend will leave you then you need to understand where your fear comes from.
Fear of loss is a simple process to understand: you’re scared your girlfriend will leave you — this fear of loss come from having limited options with women — limited options with women comes from limited confidence and belief in your own value and self-worth.
If you really want to lose the fear of loss and stop being scared that your girlfriend will leave you, then you will need to start believing in yourself, in your own value and self-worth.
If your value as a man is low and you know it, it’s your duty to do something about it. If you’re a fat slob who wastes his life away sitting around doing nothing, you can’t really expect life to give you much in return. That includes money, respect and women—you don’t get any of that good stuff until you’re willing to grab life by the balls and take risks.
There’s an important law that exists in life and physics that says: action leads to reaction. If you don’t take action, there will be no change and no positive re-actions happening in your life.
If you were good enough to win your girlfriend over in the first place, it’s a guarantee that your girlfriend must have found you attractive when she met you.
The only reason your girlfriend will lose attraction for you is if you present the wrong attitude and screw things up. If you show weakness and insecurity (most commonly characterized by chasing your girlfriend), then she will lose attraction for you and she will leave you.
Psychological Trick To Re-Attract Your Girlfriend
If you’re truly scared that your girlfriend will leave you, then you need to reframe your thoughts (or “schemas” as we call them in psychology).
Have you ever dated a girl that you knew would never be a long-term deal? You probably know the kind of girl I’m talking about.
The kind of girl that you enjoyed having sex with but just didn’t see yourself in a serious relationship with.
Many of you have been in this situation before and you know that these women hang around and never want to leave. No matter what you do, you can’t screw it up! Why? Because you don’t care and when you act like you don’t care you’re sending the girl the following message:
“I’m high value, I’m not focused on you, therefore I might just be a hell of a lot more valuable and powerful than you.”
This is an attitude that women can’t resist. All this indicates to a woman that you have great genes.
Now what you want to do is replicate this attitude with the woman you actually care about. Every time you feel nervous around your girlfriend or are unsure about how to act, imagine that your girlfriend is “one of those girls” that you just don’t care about.
This psychological trick will immediately correct your attitude and make sure that you act in a way that will be attractive to your girlfriend.
Don’t Be Scared To Rock The Boat
There’s a huge misconception among men that if they upset their girlfriend then they’re going to lose her.
Too many guys are scared to cause their girlfriends discomfort or trouble because they think that this will cause her to leave them. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth.
Your girlfriend wants to feel emotions and sad emotions are all part of the emotional spectrum too. When your girlfriend feels sad or angry it will put her into a state of anxiety and uncertainty—this state of uncertainty has been scientifically proven to increase a woman’s attraction for a man (University of Virginia).
On the other hand, if you play it safe and “nice,” then your girlfriend will most likely get bored and start looking for someone who can light an emotional fire in her heart (this means someone who isn’t afraid to speak his mind and activate her emotions—both negative and positive emotions).
Some recent scientific research (that might disturb some readers) shows that women are actually more attracted to guys who “appear” to be more selfish and unfriendly (University of Amsterdam).
So what are the key takeaways of this research?
Don’t be too nice to your girlfriend because it’s been scientifically proven to lower your value as a man and make you less attractive.
Whenever you worry about staying the course and feel like you should be nice and sweet to your girlfriend, remember this research. This will not only work to your advantage but it will also help you keep your girlfriend attracted to you and in love with you for as long as your heart’s desire.
(Note: I am in no way an advocate of being an asshole. There is no need to be an rude and obnoxious to your girlfriend or anyone else, in fact, if you act like an asshole you will only reveal your insecurities and weaknesses in the most pathetic way for the whole world to see. What you want to aim for is a projection of over-confidence and indifference towards your girlfriend.)
What’s did you say again, you’re scared of losing your girlfriend?
Wrong. She’s the one who should be scared of losing you.