When it comes to life and relationships, most men like to play it safe. This playing it safe strategy includes a reluctance to upset women. If you want to create any real, lasting attraction with women, however, you must be able to venture out of your comfort zone and endure a certain degree of discomfort and pain.
Attraction, after all, doesn’t grow in safety and security, attraction grows in a swamp of anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger, and sadness. All the negative emotions we try so hard to avoid in daily life are, in fact, the same emotions you must embrace if you want to build attraction with women.
Case Study: Polarize Her Emotions
Rick and Heather were out having dinner when Rick told Heather he was going to use the rest of his savings—approximately $15,000—to restore an old ‘66 Mustang convertible.
Heather paused for a moment. “Are you serious?”
“It’s gonna look amazing,” Rick said. “I mean, it’s not cheap, but it’s totally worth it.” Heather’s look said it all—she wasn’t impressed. “What is it, what’s wrong?” Rick said, chewing his food.
“Why don’t you just buy a new one instead of an old rust bucket,” Heather replied. Heather was known for her sharp tongue and tonight was no exception.
“What?” Rick said. “Because it’s vintage. They don’t make ‘em anymore.”
“There’s a reason they stopped making them.”
“Look, it’s a ’66 Mustang.”
“I can’t believe I’m dating an idiot.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“Idiot,” Heather hissed.
Without saying another word, Rick reached across the table and knocked Heather’s glass of wine over. The wine spilled across the table onto Heather’s lap.
“That’s for being a bitch,” Rick said, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. Heather was too shocked to respond. She shook her head, stumbled to her feet, then ran out of the restaurant. Rick didn’t care. He was only too happy to get rid of her.
* * *
When Heather got home she was still crying. She had never felt so angry or humiliated in her entire life. She stepped out of her wine-soaked dress and jumped in the shower.
The water felt wonderful. Heather stood under the shower, letting the hot water wash over her body. Then, for some inexplicable reason, she began to laugh. She couldn’t help it. Rick might be a rude son of a bitch, but he was definitely an improvement on her last boyfriend, Eric.
Heather must have called Eric “stupid” more than a thousand times over the course of their relationship, and all he ever did was apologize and say sorry. As the years went by, Heather grew more and more disgusted by Eric’s behavior.
She closed her eyes, letting the heat from the water soak into her skin. At least Rick knows how to stand up for himself. Come to think of it, he’s pretty damn sexy when he’s mad. The moment Heather stepped out of the shower, she grabbed her phone and called Rick’s number.
It’s Okay to Upset Your Girlfriend
Modern culture states that peoples’ emotions are sacred territory. We must never hurt another person’s feelings or upset them in any way. Nonetheless, if you go through life reluctant to upset a woman or disturb her sense of tranquility, you’ll have little to no impact on a woman’s feelings or emotions. And if a woman feels nothing for you, she’ll lose interest in you and focus her attention elsewhere.
Women need to feel their emotions because emotions are the centerpiece of a woman’s life.
Every human interaction is laced with emotion. These emotions can either be on the positive side of the spectrum such as sex, pleasure, affection, warmth, and love, or these emotions can be on the negative side of the spectrum such as jealousy, anger, sadness, and fear.
Women are feeling creatures who are driven by their emotions. If a woman is in a relationship with a man who inspires strong emotions, whether those emotions are positive or negative, the woman is more likely to focus on the man and fall under his spell.
Attraction Grows in Anxiety
Research into attraction discovered that women are attracted to men who inspire feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. But that one question still remains to be answered: why are women more attracted to men who make them feel anxious and uncertain? A study carried out by the University of Chicago finally shed light on this question when researchers reported that people are much more likely to work hard and pay a “higher price” for a reward when the reward is “uncertain” as opposed to “known.”
The researchers in the study noted that people are often pushed harder by the fantasy of “winning big” in much the same way that people are enthralled by the prospect of winning the lottery.
Human beings are driven by hope and the knowledge that it’s possible to get what we want, even if the odds are stacked against us. As humans, we have an insatiable desire to bring order and control into our lives by “resolving the uncertain” and bringing the “unknown into the light of understanding.”
Once we come to understand and appreciate this aspect of human nature, it’s possible to see how feelings of anxiety can have such a profound and dramatic effect on the human condition.
Spike Her Emotions to Spike Attraction
Of course, anxiety is by no means a positive emotion for women to experience, but anxiety does without doubt build attraction by focusing a woman’s attention on the source of her discomfort—you. There’s no point trying to make a woman feel good all the time. That would be an exercise in futility. Yes, there will be extended periods of bliss, but make no mistake, relationships often give birth to extended periods of discomfort and anxiety.
You must be able to weather a woman’s chaotic emotions whenever they surface, and indeed, create your own storms to ensure you remain at the forefront of a woman’s mind.
You should never attempt to play it safe with women. If your goal is to spark attraction and maintain interest over the long-run, you must allow a woman to feel angry, sad, bitter, frustrated, nervous, anxious, resentful, jealous, envious, and disappointed. Only then, can you expect to grab a woman’s attention and inspire the kind of attraction that most men can only dream about.