If your girlfriend has left you for another man then you’re in just about the worst situation a man can experience in a relationship.
There is nothing more humiliating and upsetting for a man than a disloyal girlfriend, especially if she once loved him and is now in the arms of another man. It’s enough to make any man feel sick to the stomach. This article will show you what you can do to get your girlfriend back if she’s left you for another man.
Now I’m assuming that you actually want to get your girlfriend back and this is certainly possible. However, you need to use the right strategy to achieve this and the right strategy isn’t always the easiest strategy to use.
The More You Chase The More She Pulls Away
Imagine the following scenario (based on true events).
Peter had been dating Jane for the last five years, when he suddenly received a piece of news that destroyed his world. One night, Jane confessed that she was leaving him to be with another man.
Peter fell into an instant depression. His heart started to race and he began to have cold sweats and nightmares. How could this lovely sweet girl do this to him? How could the girl he loves so much betray in such a hurtful way?
Peter believed that he must have made a terrible mistake (he did, but not in the way he thought). Peter believed that he didn’t make Jane happy, and that he wasn’t kind enough to her and loving enough.
With this in mind, Peter got down on his knees and begged Jane to come back to him. He sent her flowers, bought her gifts and flooded her phone with text messages. Little did he realize that this was all useless.
Jane soon moved out of the house and left Peter for good.
The more Peter begged Jane to come back to him, the more she pulled away.
Your Girlfriend Left You For Another Man, Now What?
I’ve seen this hundreds of times with my clients…
They find out that their girlfriend has left them for another man and their natural reaction is to want to go out and kill the other guy. They want to destroy him and see the other guy suffer too.
It’s important not to lose your cool at this point. Understand that your emotions are running high and don’t do something that will hurt “you” even more. Yes, you might want to hurt this other guy, but doing so is only going to land you in jail and push your girlfriend even further away.
Instead, take comfort from the fact that the chance of things working out between your girlfriend and this other guy are very small (about 3%). Why?
Because if your girlfriend left you for someone else, your girlfriend is likely to repeat this behavior as soon as the other guy makes a mistake. And as you know, all humans make mistakes.
Now you simply have two choices: (1) cut your girlfriend out of your life completely or (2) use the right strategy to get her back.
To Get Your Girlfriend Back, First Re-Attract Her
Why did your girlfriend leave you for another man? The answer is simple: you did things to turn her off and make her lose attraction for you.
So what exactly did you do wrong? If you’re like most men, you were doing everything right in the beginning. After all, your girlfriend was attracted to you in the beginning and wanted to be in a relationship with you for a reason.
However, as the relationship progressed and you started to fall more and more in love with your girlfriend, you started to give your power away. Here is a list of the biggest mistakes men make to kill attraction and drive their girlfriends into the arms of another man:
— Acting weak and needy.
— Calling and texting her all the time.
— Focusing on the relationship too much.
— Displaying low drive and strength.
— Low confidence and self-esteem.
— You’re financially a mess and going nowhere.
Essentially when you do these things, you break the three C’s.
Learn And Master The Three C’s
What are the three C’s? These are: Control. Confidence. Challenge.
As a man you always need to be in control of yourself and your life (this includes financials and health as well as patience), you also need to have confidence and you need to be a challenge.
Remember, it’s scientifically proven that women are much more attracted to men who are confident and a challenge (University of Rochester).
However, if you break any of the three C’s then your girlfriend will lose attraction for you and she will go looking for these traits in other men.
If you have no control, you lack confidence and you’re no longer a challenge to your girlfriend, then she will slowly but surely be turned off by you.
The Solution To A Horrible Situation
No one wants to be a cuckold. Losing your girlfriend to another man is not only humiliating, but it’s also an attack on our ego and sense of pride too.
(I recommend watching the movie Crazy Stupid Love if you’re in this situation—there are some interesting moments in the movie and it will help you find some humor in what is a very difficult situation.)
Unfortunately, women cheating on their boyfriends and leaving them for other men is nothing new. In evolutionary psychology, it’s a classic case of hypergamy (or in simple terms: a woman’s evolutionary desire to mate with other more successful, confident men).
The key is to make sure that you are the most confident and secure man she’ll ever meet. It might sound impossible, but if you already have an established relationship with your girlfriend, it’s actually very easy to achieve this—you just have to maintain your control, confidence and challenge.
If you’re able to maintain these traits throughout your relationship, your girlfriend will be completely shut off and unreceptive to other men’s advances.
However, if your girlfriend has already left you for another man then you need to quickly understand where you went wrong in the relationship and re-establish your control, confidence and challenge.
Yes, this still applies even if your girlfriend has left you. If your girlfriend can see that you have changed and that you are doing even better without her she will then start to blame herself for the failure of your relationship.
Your girlfriend will start to believe that she was the problem in the relationship. However, if you crumble and start displaying weakness and desperation when your girlfriend leaves you for another guy, she will feel that she has made the right decision to leave you.
It’s important to understand why Confidence, Challenge and Control are such important traits. This is everything in the relationship and if a man is lacking in any of these areas, it’s going to be very difficult for him to get his girlfriend back once she’s left him for another man. As one study points out:
Women did not find their responsive partners particularly masculine or feminine – and worse yet, being responsive was marginally but negatively associated with how attractive they found their male partner (University of Rochester).
The Solution In Action
Let’s take a look at another scenario (based on true events). Paul had been in a relationship with Jane for three years. Even though he was a strong and confident man, he had always loved Jane and thought she was the most beautiful and loving girlfriend he had ever had.
Everything was great in the early days of the relationship, however, Paul had started to give Jane too much power and value. He stopped being a challenge because he always wanted to see her. He lost control of himself and let Jane make decisions. And although he was still a confident man, for some reason he worried that Jane would get bored of him and leave him for someone else.
As far as Jane was concerned, Paul had changed. She no longer had the same feelings for him. He didn’t make her happy like he used to and she felt less and less attracted to him, but she wasn’t sure why this was happening, she just felt a loss of attraction and interest for him.
Then one day a new guy started working at the same office as Jane. Jane found the new guy to be very attractive and it wasn’t long before she found herself having an affair with him. This secret affair went on for a couple of months before she eventually told Paul that she was leaving him to be with another man.
At first Paul was devastated by the news. But unlike Peter, he handled things in a different way. Paul got angry with himself. He realized straight away that he’d given up a big part of who he was to please Jane. He understood that he’d stopped being a challenge and had turned into a little puppy dog trying to please her. He knew that he had lost control of himself and that his confidence had taken a hit because he was scared that Jane would leave him.
The familiar words, “what we fear, we attract” echoed in his head. I was such a fool to give my power away and think that this woman’s love was more valuable than mine.
Paul instantly recovered his composure and strength. It wasn’t long before Jane noticed this. She still had to interact with Paul because she had things at his house and she still cared about him.
Jane would, however, often try to talk to Paul about why the relationship didn’t work out. She would also swing by the house to pick up some of her things and stay for a chat.
Paul, however, didn’t seem to care what she said, he wasn’t interested in talking about the relationship and he seemed to be having a lot of fun going out and seeing other people and dating other women.
He’s changed, Jane thought to himself. He’s like he was before, strong and confident. Jane found herself flirting with Paul again and having light hearted conversations with him.
He’s not even worried or affected by the fact that I left him, she thought to her self. I must have made a huge mistake. Paul really is strong and secure and confident (he ticked all three C’s). Our relationship failure must have been my fault. I need to work on myself and try to get this man back Jane told herself.