A woman asks for commitment, love, and devotion and a man thinks if he gives her these things he’ll make her happy. He takes the woman’s words at face value only to discover later that when he gives the woman what she asked for she pulls away from him and starts to lose interest.
Why does this happen and why do women punish men for giving them what they want?
Case Study: She Wanted More Love
“I need you to show me more love,” Jen said right after Eddie told her he was going fishing on the weekend.
Over the course of their ten-year marriage, Eddie thought he had done a pretty good job of showing Jen how much he loved her.
“I need to feel like you care about me. And I need to feel like I can trust you. I don’t know what you get up to when you go on these ‘fishing trips’ with your buddies,” Jen said.
“Oh, honey, I just go fishing that’s all.”
“How do I know? You could be doing anything. Anyway, I’m just saying I need to feel like you actually care about me.”
“Of course, I care about you, come on,” Eddie said. “Tell you what, I’ll cancel my fishing trip and we can spend the weekend together. Just you and me. How’s that sound?”
“You’d do that for me?” Jen said, all wide-eyed and innocent.
“Of course, I would,” Eddie replied. Five minutes later, Eddie called up his buddies and canceled the fishing trip.
“Why’d you cancel?” Jen asked.
“I thought you wanted to spend the weekend together.”
“You didn’t have to cancel your fishing trip.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I said you didn’t have to cancel.”
“Are you serious?” Eddie didn’t know what to say. Jen was the one who said she wanted more love and attention. Now, after giving her exactly what she asked for, she was getting all bitchy about it. In fact, she had been downright nasty ever since he had canceled the trip.
When the weekend finally arrived, Jen told Eddie she now wanted to spend the weekend by herself. WTF? Eddie tried to protest, but Jen cut him off. It didn’t make any sense. He had given her what she wanted and now she was punishing him for it.
Meet Her Needs, Not Her Wants
A woman might tell you she needs more love and attention. She might even tell you that she wants a man who’s honest and faithful. And at other times, she might tell you that all she wants is to feel safe and secure. It’s important, in all of these situations, not to focus on what a woman says she wants but to instead focus on what she needs.
Will giving a woman more attention make her feel more attracted to you? Will giving a woman a sense of safety and security make you more attractive as a man? Does going out of your way to be true, honest, and faithful make a woman want you more? The answer to all of these questions is a resounding no.
There are few occasions in life where giving a woman what she wants will make her feel heightened levels of attraction for you. When you give a woman what she asks for, she’s more likely to resent you for giving in to her demands.
The moment you give a woman what she wants is the moment she starts to lose respect for you. This might not happen straight away. The woman might, in fact, respond positively to your compliance at first. But once the woman comes to realize that you’re willing to change your behavior just to please her, she’ll come to resent you for your weakness and pliability.
You’ll often hear jilted men scream in frustration: “What about me? I gave you everything you asked for. I was there for you and I loved you with all my heart. No other guy will love you like I do or care about you the same way.” What these men fail to realize is that women aren’t looking for men to give them what they want, they’re looking for men to give them what they need.
Women Want Men to Give them What They Need
Given a choice between the two, a woman will always choose to be with the man who gives her what she needs. When you’re with a woman, you must pay careful attention to her behavior. If a woman tells you that she’s changed her mind about the relationship and now just wants to be friends, it’s tempting to take the woman’s words at face value and believe what she says.
Another example is when a woman pulls out the ever-present, yet well-worn cliché: “I’m not looking for a relationship, I just want to hang out.” Once again, the temptation is to acquiesce and take the woman’s words at face value.
Of course, women don’t just want to be friends; they need sex and intimacy like everyone else. It’s your job to give a woman what she needs, not what she wants. This is a lot easier to do when you ask yourself one simple question: what is the strongest course of action I can take?
A woman might tell you that she’ll cut you off and punish you for not listening to her, or for not giving in to her demands, but you mustn’t let her threats affect you or derail you because you understand one vital truth: when you exhibit strength, she always come back. Few men can remain strong and resilient in the face of a woman’s demands—you must be the exception.