Approaching women can be a nerve-wracking experience. Having the courage to toss rejection aside, however, inspires admiration and attraction from women. This article will show you how to easily approach women and get numbers.
Men who have the confidence to approach women directly immediately set themselves apart from other men. And although approaching women is often a nerve-wracking experience, the rewards for having the courage to toss rejection aside and go after what you want inspires admiration and attraction in equal measure.
Of course, most men prefer to take the safe approach, opting to get to know a girl first before they try to seduce her. As a man, however, it’s always better to state your intentions without fear of reprisal.
Yes, you can become friends with a woman, then try to seduce her later on. Although this often leads to a loss of attraction, as failure to take action and approach women with boldness usually results in metaphoric castration.
But these are sensitive times you tell yourself. What if she rejects me, or worse, stops speaking to me? A woman will never hold it against you for making your intentions clear and expressing interest.
Approach a woman with boldness and it’s unlikely she’ll ever forget you. On the other hand, the man who waits for women to approach him in an almost catatonic, subdued state inspires neither interest nor attraction.
Case Study: Boldness Inspires Attraction
Sabrina had only just broken up with her ex when she met Robbie online. The moment she started talking to Robbie, she felt an instant connection. When Sabrina finally got around to meeting Robbie, she was delighted to discover that she not only liked him online, she liked him even more in person. Robbie was fun to be around and the fact he was good looking only made him appear even more attractive.
As the days went by, Sabrina and Robbie grew closer and closer. And the more time they spent together, the more they grew to like each other. It was now only a matter of time before they took their relationship to the next level.
* * *
One day as Sabrina was walking through the subway on her way to work, she heard an unfamiliar voice call out beside her—“I like your dress.” Sabrina turned and saw a man standing beside her. “That’s my favorite color.”
“Really?” Sabrina laughed. “You like red?”
“I love it.”
“You don’t think it’s too bright?”
“It looks awesome.”
“My name’s Paul by the way.”
“Nice to meet you,” Paul shook Sabrina’s hand and continued to engage her in conversation. They chatted for a couple of minutes and Paul made no attempt to hide the fact that he was attracted to Sabrina. After all, why else would he stop and talk to her in the middle of the subway?
* * *
When Sabrina got home all she could think about was the confident stranger who’d asked for her number. It wasn’t every day that a man approached her with such charm and confidence.
Nowadays, it seemed that most men preferred to meet women online. Unfortunately for Robbie, he had no idea that in the space of an afternoon Sabrina’s attraction for him had greatly diminished. Sabrina couldn’t help it. Every time she thought about Paul, she smiled. Boy was he confident.
On the other hand, she had no way of knowing whether Robbie was confident or not. He was just some guy she had met online. What Paul did was something extraordinary—he had singled her out and made her feel special.
You can’t seduce a woman if you don’t talk to her. You might see an attractive woman in the park, but if you only look at her, you’ll do nothing to establish a connection or build rapport.
Your ability to connect with women on an emotional level allows you to take the interaction into the realm of the physical and beyond.
Women crave emotional connection. They live and breathe it, yet many men are still too timid and apprehensive when it comes to opening up the channel of communication, waiting instead for that perfect moment. There is, of course, no such thing as a perfect moment.
There are only opportunities—opportunities that are taken and opportunities that are missed.
Case Study: Make Your Intentions Clear
A group of international college students were staying in a hostel not far from the center of Rome. It was there, in the hostel, that the students met an Italian by the name of Paolo. Paolo was a modern-day Casanova, he loved women and he loved to flirt. The girls in the hostel, however, were already aware of Paolo’s overly flirtatious behavior. And within the space of 24 hours, Paolo’s reputation had been sullied and tarnished.
Behind his back, the girls called Paolo a “creep” and a “pervert.” After all, girls will be girls. But Paolo didn’t care, he’d heard it all before. Instead, his attention was focused entirely on one girl and one girl only—Imogen.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” Paolo said as he looked deep into Imogen’s eyes.
“I want to kiss your beautiful lips,” Imogen said as she told her friends what Paolo had said to her when she came back to the hostel.
“He said that? Oh, my God, what a creep.”
“Weirdo, avoid,” said Janice.
“Ughhh,” Imogen said. “Who does he think I am?”
As the girls sat around the hostel bar, having a good laugh at Paolo’s expense, they were completely unaware that later that night, Imogen would end up sharing the same bed as Paolo.
Paolo’s bold, confident approach would ultimately prove too much for Imogen to resist. For as her friends sat around, talking about what a creep Paolo was, Imogen’s imagination had started to run wild thinking about all the wonderful things Paolo might do to her.
In a hostel full of horny young men and women, Paolo had been the only one who’d expressed any real interest in her. His romantic overtures made her feel alive. And although Imogen and her friends had been quick to dismiss Paolo and label him a “creep,” Imogen knew her friends were just jealous because she was getting all the attention and they weren’t.
Paolo knew what he wanted and he knew a beautiful woman when he saw one. Ultimately, Paolo’s direct approach was enough to secure a night of passion that Imogen would never forget.
A great approach is one of the most important elements of seduction. When a confident man approaches a woman, he makes her feel attractive and alive. And in the world of seduction, there’s no greater aphrodisiac than confidence. As such, the direct approach is the strongest and most attractive form of introduction you can make.
The confident man knows there’s no such thing as a woman who’s out of his league. A man with sufficient sexual market value can effectively pursue any woman no matter how attractive or unattainable she might appear to be—all that’s required is the right approach.
Approach Women Naturally
One of the most effective ways to approach women is to use an environmental approach. An environmental approach allows you to approach women using elements within the natural environment to make a woman feel more at ease. Imagine, for a moment, that you’ve just seen an attractive woman at the gym. You want to approach her, but you don’t know what to say or how to break the ice.
Using the environmental approach, there are literally thousands of things you can say to a woman in this situation. An example of an environmental approach in the gym would be to say: “Hey, how’s your workout?” The same environment-specific approach can be used in the supermarket: “Hey, do you know where the [chocolate/milk/fish] is?”
Your approach doesn’t have to be clever or entertaining. Instead, it’s always better to talk to women as though you’re talking to a close friend. Also, take note that women have a propensity to wear interesting trinkets and accessories. They style their hair in unique ways, sport tattoos, and color their nails.
The next time you go out in public, take a moment to look at the women around you. What makes her stand out? What is it about her that catches your eye? Is it an item of clothing, her earrings, her hair, or even her shoes? All of these items are talking points that allow you to approach women in a natural and relaxed way.
An Easy Way to Approach Women
To give you an idea of how this works in practice, consider the following pickup lines as a great way to start a conversation:
— “Nice shoes.”
— “I like your perfume.”
— “That’s a cool tattoo.”
— “That bag looks heavy.”
— “What’re you drinking?”
— “That’s my favorite color, I love [insert color].”
Simple, innocuous comments within the context of the woman’s immediate environment work best here. There’s no better way to signal outcome indifference and confidence than a light throwaway comment to disarm a woman and make her feel at ease.
Remember, conversation is fluid as opposed to static. That’s why it’s always better to use an approach that can be adapted to your natural environment.
The Best Pickup Lines to Use
If you approach women in a positive, relaxed way, you communicate strength. But still the issue of what to say looms large. Trying to figure out what to say to a woman when you first meet her and what pickup lines work best is a question that’s plagued men for decades. Now science can finally shed some much-needed insight into the conversation. One study published in the Sex Roles journal found that women prefer it when men approach them with a simple: “Hi” or “Hello.”
Other effective pickup lines include the honest and direct: “Since we’re both sitting alone, would you care to join me?” or “Do you want to dance?” Pickup lines such as: “Hey, what’s your sign?” or “Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?” were seen as less attractive, disingenuous ways to start a conversation.
That being said, you should simply use pickup lines as a way to assess whether or not a woman is interested in talking to you. Watch closely and you’ll notice that a woman expresses all her intentions and desires through her actions.
If a woman is open and interested in talking to you, she’ll stop to engage you in conversation; if she isn’t interested, she’ll move away from you—it’s that simple.
Don’t Rush Intimacy
The moment you approach a woman, it’s advisable to keep the conversation light and relaxed. Talk to her like you would talk to a close friend. There’s no need to rush the interaction by trying to get intimate too soon. Yes, one night stands can and do happen, but usually only after a man has spent at least a couple of hours interacting with the woman first, even then a one night stand is never guaranteed.
One of the most famous studies in psychology, carried out on a college campus in the 1980s, proved that the odds of getting immediate sexual gratification from women was, surprisingly, not even 50 percent, but closer to zero percent.
In the study, attractive men and women were asked to approach complete strangers of the opposite sex, posing the question: “Would you go to bed with me tonight?” The results of the study showed that 70 percent of men agreed to the woman’s request to go to bed with her that night. On the other hand, zero percent of women agreed to the man’s request to have sex.
In case you think these findings are the result of a more conservative Anglo-Saxon culture, think again. The same study was replicated in sexually liberal France with exactly the same result. Zero French women agreed to go to bed with a male stranger, even when the man was physically handsome.
Women want sex just as much as men do, they just want it when they’re ready and within the confines of a safe environment (drugs and alcohol notwithstanding).
Case Study: Breaking the Ice
Simon saw the new waitress standing behind the counter as soon as he walked into the coffee shop. The moment he saw her, he was smitten. The waitress had long, flowing black hair and big brown puppy dog eyes. If I could marry a girl like that, I’d be happy for the rest of my life, Simon thought as he stepped up to the counter.
“What can I get you?” the waitress said, flashing a smile.
“Can I get a tall mochaccino please?”
“One tall mocha coming right up. Would you like anything else with that?” the waitress said.
For what felt like an eternity, Simon didn’t know what to say. He looked at the waitress’s nametag—Christy. He wanted to say something, anything, but his mind drew a blank. In the end, all he could muster was a simple, “Thanks, that’s all.”
“Here’s your change,” Christy said.
Simon looked at the waitress. He didn’t want to leave, not yet. He wanted to say something funny or humorous, something that might impress her, but he couldn’t think of anything smart enough or funny enough to say. Sensing an awkward silence, Simon stepped away from the counter and waited for his mochaccino to arrive.
Over the next couple of weeks, Simon became a regular visitor at the coffee shop, coming almost every day to see Christy. But every time Simon ordered his coffee, he became increasingly frustrated by his own inability to get Christy to open up and talk to him.
* * *
The following week, Simon was in the coffee shop, having just ordered another mochaccino, when Derrick walked in. Derrick saw Christy standing behind the counter and liked what he saw straight away.
As Derrick stepped up to the counter, he looked at the menu and noticed a wide selection of reserve coffee. Derrick paused for a moment, then turned to Christy and asked her what coffee she liked best.
Christy let out a small, girlish giggle, and for the next five minutes, she spoke at length about all the different types of coffee they served.
At one point, Derrick stopped Christy by touching her briefly on the arm to ask, “Where does your coffee come from.” That’s a dumb question, Simon thought as he listened in on their conversation.
Christy laughed and told Derrick they sourced their coffee from Jamaica, Nicaragua, Kenya, Java, and Costa Rica—her favorite being Costa Rican coffee. Derrick smiled and told Christy he had “never been to Costa Rica but he wouldn’t mind a taste of it.”
Simon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was furious. This guy had only just met Christy and now she was giggling and obviously having a great time talking to this guy. Life isn’t fair, Simon thought as he walked out the door and threw his mochaccino in the trash.
A lot of men assume that women don’t want to be approached and “hit on.” This is true in so much that women don’t want to be “hit on” in a crude or unflattering way. Women also don’t want to be hit on by unattractive men.
A woman will, of course, be flattered if a man with high sexual market value approaches her. As previously mentioned, women are biologically wired to receive men, they just want to be approached by the right kind of men.
Women live their lives in a waiting state. They wait for men to talk to them; they wait for men to approach them; and they wait for men to show interest, giving them the opportunity to either accept the man or reject him. A woman only resents it when a man shows interest in her if the man is weak, timid, or unattractive.
You’ll notice, however, that it’s usually unattractive women who are the first to label men “creeps” and “perverts.” How often do you see a beautiful, woman at a feminist rally? It’s the unattractive woman with low sexual market value who lashes out in anger and frustration. Her cries of feminism are, in reality, a cry for attention.
A beautiful woman doesn’t need to call attention to herself. For the most part, attractive women love men and enjoy their company. Their experience with society and men is usually a positive one. Feminine women respect the laws of nature and they understand that it’s the man’s role to approach her.
Overcome Approach Anxiety
Approach anxiety is the amplified fear of rejection, and like all fears, it exists primarily within the context of the mind. Approach anxiety can be so overwhelming it often induces paralysis in men. The most stifling aspect of approach anxiety is not knowing what to say. Take a moment, however, to imagine that your job involves approaching women. Every day you have to interview women for a survey about beauty products. You notice that your fear of rejection is greatly diminished when you approach women to fill out the survey.
It doesn’t matter whether women talk to you or not because they’re not rejecting you personally, they’re rejecting the survey. In this situation, it’s easy to know what to say, and it’s easy to move on to the next woman.
Now imagine you have to approach a woman because you want to get to know her in a more intimate way. You think about all the things you could say and you’re instantly crippled by anxiety. What if she rejects me? What if she laughs at me? What if she humiliates me? And once more, your fear and anxiety stops you from approaching yet another beautiful woman.
Case Study: Attraction Favors the Brave
Adam was having lunch with Josh when he noticed Josh making eye contact with someone behind him.
“What is it?” Adam asked.
“That girl keeps looking at me.”
“The one sitting behind you.”
Adam turned to see a beautiful girl sitting by herself at the table behind them. “Why don’t you go talk to her,” Adam said.
Josh shoveled a mouthful of pasta into his mouth. “Hmm, you think that’s a good idea?”
“Sure, why not? She’s obviously into you.”
Josh looked doubtful. “I dunno, man. I wouldn’t know what to say. Oh boy, she just looked over again. She’s really cute.”
“Dude, you gotta go talk to her, she likes you.”
Josh looked down at his food. “Nah, she’s probably not interested anyway.”
“Trust me, if she looks at you and smiles, she’s interested. She wants you to go and talk to her.”
“Could you do it for me? I mean, I really don’t know what to say,” Josh said.
“Oh man, she just looked over again.”
“Alright,” Adam said. “But once I break the ice you better get your ass up there.”
“You got it.”
When the girl looked up again, she was surprised to see Adam, not Josh coming towards her.
“Hi,” Adam said. “I hope I’m not disturbing you. My friend, he’s a slow eater… he just asked me to come over and keep you company.” Adam waved over at Josh. “I’m Adam by the way.”
“Evelyn,” the girl said with a tentative smile.
“Nice to meet you.” Adam held out his hand and continued to engage Evelyn in conversation. A couple of minutes passed by before Josh finally finished his meal and came over to join them.
“He’s right. I am a slow eater,” Josh said as he rubbed his stomach.
Evelyn glanced at Josh, then turned her attention back to Adam. “You were saying?”
Despite Adam’s best effort to include his friend in the conversation, Evelyn appeared to have lost all interest in Josh, even though he was the one who’d initially caught her eye. Her attention and interest was now focused entirely on Adam. As far as Evelyn was concerned, Josh was no longer a contender.
What happened? One minute, Evelyn was smiling and flirting with Josh, letting him know she found him attractive, practically inviting him to come over to speak to her. The next minute she was entirely focused on Adam. How could this happen? In one word: confidence.
It was Adam, not Josh, who had the guts to go up and talk to her. It didn’t matter that Josh was better looking, his hesitation communicated weakness. It was now too late to redeem the situation. The moment Josh allowed Adam to speak on his behalf was the moment Evelyn lost all attraction for him.
Missed opportunity hurts more than rejection. When your mind is flooded with doubt, it’s important to remember that women want to be seduced. A woman might appear busy, filling her day with an endless array of activities. This doesn’t change the fact that most women are starved for attention.
Missed Opportunity is Worse than Rejection
A woman wants to live her life like it’s a movie. A movie filled with drama, suspense, and romance. Her movie, however, is not of the gentle Disney variety. Her movie is much more brutish in nature. Women fantasize about being swept off their feet by a strong, confident man who’s unable to resist her.
Keep in mind, no one is exempt from the daily grind of life, women included. Not even the most beautiful women are exempt from mundane tasks like sleeping, eating, working, and shopping. The sheer mind-numbing monotony of everyday life instills in women an insatiable desire for romance and passion.
As a man, you must simply be aware of this desire. Women are constantly looking for stimulation and attention. If a woman believes your presence will bring passion and excitement into her life, she’ll gladly receive you and welcome your approach. Keep in mind, women have evolved over thousands of years to respond to you as a man and find you attractive.
The most natural thing in the world is for men and women to come together as one. In fact, you could argue that women desire this more than men because relationships are the centerpiece of a woman’s life.
Women want you to take the initiative and start a conversation. You must revel in the fact that seduction is filled with anxiety and tension for the ability to overcome this anxiety is what separates you from other men.
All seductions start with a spark—a spark that lights the fire of attraction. Whatever you want out of a relationship, whether it’s a short-term fling, sex, or marriage, you must be able to approach a woman first to capture her attention and start the seduction process.